


The Lies We Tell Ourselves

by LipFreckles5



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gay Male Character, Love, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Scorbus, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-08-16 18:16:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 38,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8112427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LipFreckles5/pseuds/LipFreckles5
Summary: Albus has come to terms with his feelings for his best friend Scorpius Malfoy. The only issue is that Scorpius is dating his cousin Rose Granger Weasley and the fact that there is no way Scorpius will ever feel the same.Right?





	1. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just would like everyone to know that I finally got a Beta for this story! (Closetnightmares) So I am doing some clean up with the story, no drastic changes just some flow and grammar revision!

Albus Severus Potter had been lying to himself for an entire year. He had finally come to terms with this new found truth this past summer, when he was visiting his grandparents at The Burrow with his cousin Rose Granger-Weasley. She had also invited Albus' best friend—who was also her boyfriend—Scorpius Malfoy. The four of them, including Albus' sister Lily, were all sitting around in the living room. Scorpius had just finished a game of exploding snap with Lily when Rose threw her head back onto the couch.

“I’m bored,” she groaned in exasperation, “and hot.”

 

“We could go swimming!“ Lily piped up. Outside, the sun was shining brightly, its rays coming through the window and illuminating the dust that danced through the air. “I bet the pool will be really refreshing today.”

 

“That sounds good to me.” Scorpius added, sitting up abruptly and causing a bit of his hair to fall in front of his face. It angled around his cheekbones, making them appear more profound, if such a thing was even possible.

 

_You’re staring._ Albus reminded himself. _Enough with the staring thing!_

Rose stood up quickly, pursing her lips. “I’m sure I’ve left a swimsuit somewhere in Grandma’s spare rooms. Let’s go look Lil!”

The two girls ran upstairs, leaving the boys alone. Albus listened as the weight of their feet made the old staircase groan. He sighed. “I suppose I should look too, but this sofa is way too comfy...”

“Oh, c’mon, Albus! Quit being so lazy and get up and have some fun,” Scorpius said as he stood up, extending his hand down to Albus. Albus took the offered hand reluctantly, the feeling of their connected hands sending a jolt up Albus’ spine. Albus chose to ignore it, it was typical for his body to have that sort of reaction every time he and Scorpius touched.

Albus had undergone a small growth spurt this summer—seeing as he now was about an inch and a half taller than Scorpius and slightly more built physically. He had been practicing Quidditch more and more ever since he decided to join the team last year, to get his mind off things. So he could distract himself from his own developing feelings. As it turned out, he wasn’t such a bad Chaser, and, like his mom, he was actually pretty decent. It had finally given him something to bond over with his brother James, who was still a bossy, sometimes intolerable, git but Albus knew that he meant well.

Albus begrudgingly went upstairs to his Uncle’s old room where he remembered he left his swim trunks the last time they had been here. He located another pair that looked to be the right size and grabbed them for Scorpius.

“Here,” Albus said as he tossed the pair of swim trunks to his friend. “These should do.”

Despite the short distance between them, Scorpius barely caught the trunks in his fumbling hands. Scorpius, on the other hand, had never gotten the hang of Quidditch, he would much rather just watch the others play or, even better, have his nose stuck in a book somewhere.

“Thanks, Albus," Scorpius replied, begging to unbuckle his belt. It took every bit of Albus' self discipline to turn his head, and despite not looking, he could still feel the heat rising up his face.

“It’s great we get to spend some time together this summer isn’t it?” Scorpius said from behind Albus, “And it’s great how we all get along now! You, me and Rose, I mean."

“Yeah,” Albus answered quietly, trying to hide the melancholy in his voice.

To tell the truth, he missed the days when it had just been him and Scorpius—the two of them against the world. The dynamic duo of unpopularity, they only had each other, and for awhile that was all they needed.

It wasn't until Scorpius had finally gotten the guts to ask Rose out at the end of their fourth year that things had started changing drastically. When Albus heard that his best friend had asked out his cousin, and she had, unexpectedly, said yes, his heart sank. Not because he felt abandoned, well, at first, that's what he thought it was, but there was more to it than the feeling of abandonment. He started to become irritated whenever he saw the two of them holding hands in the corridors, or when he saw Scorpius whisper something into Rose’s ear and she would giggle.

He began to try and find ways to distract himself; so initially, he had started becoming better friends with his Slytherin classmates especially Danni Higgs and Marcus Davis. The two of whom had convinced him to join the Quidditch team at the start of the year because Slytherin was down a Chaser. Albus had surprised himself with how good he actually was, and it seemed that all those years watching his family had really affected him.

Not only did it finally give him something to bond over with James, who was still too competitive for Albus’ taste but it was nice to have an actual relationship with his brother, even if it was a friendly rivalry type relationship. He remembered when his parents had attended his first game. Usually, they were always adorned in red and gold but when he finally spotted them in the crowd they both had on green and silver attire and were cheering obnoxiously. On the day of the Gryffindor and Slytherin match they both wore all four colors, undeniably making them the tackiest individuals in the whole arena, but Albus still appreciated the effort.

As much as he tried to ignore the blossoming relationship between his cousin and Scorpius, he could not escape the inevitable truth that with every passing second he was becoming even more irritated with the fact that he was not the one holding hands with Scorpius or that he wasn’t the one Scorpius was whispering to. It took him months to finally admit to himself that he was developing feelings towards his best friend. Feelings that overstepped the bounds of a normal friendship. However, a small part of him knew that those feelings had always been there, hibernating quietly and just waiting for the perfect moment to surface.

The two boys finished getting ready and went downstairs to meet the girls. Rose threw her arms around Scorpius as soon as he landed down onto the floor, giving him a quick kiss on the lips that made Albus want to cringe. Luckily, Lily was there to save him from the awkwardness.

With a sigh, Lily stepped between them. “Okay, okay. Cut it out. If we're gonna go swimming you two cannot be eating each other’s faces the whole time!” she demanded. “I'm sure we saw enough of that last year.”

Albus wanted nothing more than to say thank you to Lily but she still did not know of his new found feelings for Scorpius and nor did any of his other family members. He was more than okay with them not knowing for now, since he wasn’t entirely convinced that his parents would be okay with it. Sure, his mum would probably be understanding, but his dad may need some work, seeing as how not only was his son attracted to boys in general, but the boy he was most attracted to was a Malfoy. Both his dad and Uncle Ron already gave Rose enough crap for dating Scorpius as it was.

The four of them ventured outside and walked the half mile to the small natural pool that was nestled in a nearby wooded area. The pool looked absolutely amazing on this unusually hot day, and it took Lily no more than a minute to climb onto the top of tree where the rope swing was and swing herself into the water.

“This feels amazing!" she yelled back up to them as her head protruded from the water, “Come on in, you guys!”

The three of them followed her lead and all jumped in. The cool water was a much needed relief for Albus. When he resurfaced, he was almost face to face with a refreshed-looking Scorpius. His pale skin glistened in the sunlight and a slight shade of pink was already developing on his skinny shoulders. His blonde hair was swept back enticingly and Albus had to fight every fiber in his being to not reach out and touch it.

After a few minutes of splashing each other and goofing off, they decided on playing “Marco Polo." It was a Muggle game that Aunt Hermione had introduced them to when they were younger. It was fun at first until it was Albus' turn. He wailed his arms for a good few minutes until he only heard Lily’s voice echoing “Polo” in response back to him. So he opened his eyes ever so slightly to try and figure out what had happened. He saw Lily in close proximity to him, but she was looking over her shoulder with an annoyed expression on her face.

He followed her gaze all the way to the small dock, and, to his distaste, he saw Rose and Scorpius were perched on the edge of it. Rose had her hands in Scorpius’ hair and his arms were around her waist as they kissed each other as if it might be their last. For the first time Albus couldn’t turn away like he always had when he'd seen them kissing before. Instead he was frozen, for the first time when he'd seen them like his, he hadn’t felt sick like he always had.

He felt broken. This whole year had come crashing down on him. He was losing his best friend and for the longest time his only friend. It wasn’t about feeling abandoned anymore, it was the fact that he had feelings for Scorpius Malfoy and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

He got his footing, walked out of the water, grabbed his shirt and left the three of them, ignoring Lily’s calls and trying every bit to not turn around when he heard Scorpius yell his name.

 

* * *

 

He and Lily did not say a single word to each other as they returned to the Potter’s house the evening. They both said their goodbyes to their grandparents and thanked them for letting them all come over. Rose and Scorpius had finally caught up with them before they left, and they both showed concern for Albus, but Albus just played it off as having a bad headache. When they returned home, Albus rushed to his room and closed the door behind him. He dived onto his bed and smothered his face with a pillow. He laid there for a few minutes before he heard a knock.

“Go away. I wanna be alone.” He said through the pillow, though he realized a moment later that who ever it was probably couldn’t understand him anyway.

“Well, that’s too bad!” A soft, yet firm voice said from behind him. Albus looked up to see Lily standing in the doorway, her arms folded. She walked silently into his bedroom and closed the door slowly behind her.

“I think we need to have a talk, Al.” She said, her voice had a gentle calmness to it, very much like their Mother’s when either of them got hurt or when their Dad lost his temper.

“Oh yeah?” Albus rolled himself upwards so his back was against his headboard, arms crossed. “And what's there to talk about, Lily?”

Lily sighed. “About you having a hissy fit and storming off this afternoon,” she said, with a bit of skepticism.

“I told you I had a headache Lily,” Albus threw his head back onto his headboard and stared at the ceiling. What happened to the little sister who used to ignore him?

“Right.” Replied Lilly, she lifted herself onto Albus’ desk, crossed her arms and turned her head at the ceiling as well as if she was mocking him. “I'd get a headache, too, if I saw the person I fancied making out with my cousin.”

Albus’ heart sank, “You—what are you talking about, Lily?”

She turned and looked at Albus, “I said, I'd get a headache if I saw something like that, too.”

“That—that's ridiculous, Lily!" Albus stumbled with the words. "What on earth makes you think—“

Lily let out a small laugh, “Albus, you're not exactly subtle. I’ve seen the way you look at him. I’m your little sister, it's my job to pry into stuff like this.”

Albus just stared at her in disbelief, he thought he was being so careful how could he be so stupid?

“Just...keep your voice down, Lil.” He finally said, his heart felt ten kilos heavier.

“Relax, Al. Mum and Dad aren’t home and James is still at training for that new job at the Ministry.” She jumped off of his desk and walked over towards his bed, taking a seat on the edge of it. He moved his legs to give her more room.

“I’ve always sort of known,” she started slowly, intently watching the way her feet dangled from the bed, before she finished in a stronger voice, “I’ve watched you all year, the way you looked so miserable whenever they were together.”

“I just... really miss him” Albus said slowly, staring at his knees, “It used to be... well, it used to be just the two of us. And that's all we needed. Or, at least that's what I thought.”

“Yeah. But there's more to it than that. It's more than just missing him and maybe you aren’t ready to admit that, which is okay, but you really need to talk to him, Al. At least explain yourself. I know he's worried."

Albus looked at his sister for a second, grateful that she was handling this so well. She had come a long way herself in the past year, she was no longer the spoiled brat she used to be, well, she still had their Father wrapped around her finger, but she was much more independent now.

“And tell him what exactly Lily?” “That... I not only miss him being my best friend but that I also want to kiss him?”

He wasn’t expecting the last five words to come out of his mouth.

Lily covered her mouth to hide a soft giggle but quickly became serious again, “No, you probably don’t have to go that far just yet. Just tell him that you miss hanging out with him, since he needs to learn to divide his time between you and Rose equally, and the rest, well, that needs to be your call.”

They both sat in a moment of silence. Albus didn’t really want to admit his sister was right but she was. He needed his friend back first and the rest could wait.

“Thanks, Lily,” Albus finally said with a small smile. “I'll try to talk to him.”

Lily smiled and walked around and gave Albus a hug. He hadn’t received a hug from her like this in years.

“No problem, Albus, I want you to be happy.” She began to walk to the door, but there was one last thing Albus wanted to ask.

“Y-You won’t tell anyone will you?” he asked nervously. “I'm not ready for everyone to know yet.”

 

Lily smirked, “Like I said, as your sister, it's my job to pry but it's also my job to keep secrets.”


	2. False Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You, your what?” Stammered Scorpius. Albus was pretty sure their facial expressions had about the same astonishment to them.  
> “I. Think. I. Might. Be. Gay.” Albus replied, he tried his best to continue looking Scorpius in the eye.

Two weeks passed and Albus still hadn’t spoken to Scorpius. He knew that he was being childish, but he just didn't know how to get the words out correctly. Every letter he wrote just ended up in the trash, so he finally realized it would be better to tell Scorpius in person, and what better day to do it than tomorrow, which conveniently happened to be their first day back to Hogwarts. 

 

He and Lily were busy finishing up the dishes from dinner while their parents were in the living room; their dad was watching television while their mum was rereading an article that she had to submit tomorrow.  


“So," Lily started, nudging Albus with her elbow. "Is tomorrow the lucky day?” She had a coy smile etched upon her face.

 

“I suppose,” Albus whispered back, cautiously looking over his shoulder to see if his parents were eavesdropping. Thankfully, they weren’t. “I don't necessarily know why you're calling it 'lucky' all of a sudden.”

 

Lily rolled her eyes and laughed at Albus' stubbornness. “Because it's gonna be the day you'll get your best friend back, and then you'll finally be happy again.” She smiled at him.

 

Albus set down the plate he had been drying, staring at it intently. “But Lil, what if he doesn’t want to be friends anymore? What if he likes the crowd Rose hangs out with now... more than he likes hanging out with me?”

 

Lily paused for a second, thinking. “I really don't think he likes them very much. Whenever he's with them, he looks so bored whenever they're talking and if he mentions something about a newly discovered potion or a book he’s currently reading they all just sort of stare at him. Rose is the only one that shows any interest in anything he says.”

 

Knowing this little bit of information made Albus feel slightly better, since it was reassuring to know that Rose did show an interest in Scorpius for something other than his lips. Scorpius deserved to be with someone that truly cared about him.

 

Even if that person wasn’t Albus.

 

It was almost as if Lily was reading his mind because the next thing she said surprised him even more.

“They really don’t kiss much when it’s just the two of them.” She said, her eyebrows furrowed as if she was in deep thought. ” I was behind them one night while he was walking her to the Gryffindor common room, but they weren’t even holding hands, and he didn’t even kiss her goodbye. They just hugged. But who knows they might have been fighting, but when he turned around and saw me he was as cheerful as normal. It was really strange—it's almost like they're only all over each other when they've got an audience." Lily chuckled and shook her head in what Albus saw as disbelief. "It's almost like they're faking it, or something.”

 

Albus just stared at her. Dumbfounded, Lily looked up at him and shook her head again, though this time it was out of sympathy.

 

She sighed and put a hand onto his shoulder. “Please don’t read too much into that, Albus. It's not my intention to give you false hope.”

 

Albus’ heart missed a beat. _Too late_ , he thought to himself.

 

What are you two whispering about in there?” It was their dad, Harry. “You guys didn’t break anything did you?”

 

“No, of course not, Dad!” Lily said quickly, while staring sidelong at Albus, who could feel his ears getting red. He certainly got that trait from their Mother’s side of the family. “We were just discussing Albus' former bed-wetting problem," Lily added, with a bit of a smirk.

 

This time Albus was the one to glare. “Really?” he mouthed angrily. “That’s the best you could do?” 

 

Lily just shrugged and turned back to the dishes.

 

“Erm, okay then,” Harry replied, obviously confused. “Well, are you nervous to find out how you did on your O.W.L.S Albus?”

 

Oh great. Just great. Did his dad really think that he had wet the bed because he was nervous about his O.W.L.S?

 

Albus sighed and took another dish from Lily, preparing to dry it. He gave his dad a plain response, “No, I think I did pretty well actually, except for History of Magic, but I don’t know how anyone could possibly do well on that.”

 

_E_ _xcept Scorpius, of course._ Albus thought with a sad smile.  


“Well, I certainly don’t blame you. History of Magic was never my favorite either, though your Aunt Hermione loved it.” Harry replied from the other room.

 

Having finished the dishes, Lily dried her hands and left for the living room. Albus reluctantly followed her after he put away the last plates. He came in right as Lily took a seat next to their father.

 

"So, Lil'. You excited for tomorrow?” Harry asked, putting an arm around her shoulders. “

 

Yeah.” Lily replied happily as she leaned into the embrace. The two of them started talking about the upcoming year and what it meant for Lily as a student, so while his father and sister were caught up in their own world, Albus took that moment to escape to his room. After all, he still hadn't finished packing.

 

Upon entering his room, he saw that most of his possessions were still sprawled all across his bed. A few items had even fallen to the floor. He'd always thought the whole packing thing was way too tedious.

 

He began to throw the rest of his books carelessly into his trunk, but he reached down slowly to pick up the last one that fell. It was his History of Magic book. Gently, he ran his fingers along the tattered spine, and began to laugh as he remembered how Scorpius had always scolded him for not taking proper care of his books.

 

The blonde would fold his arms and glare at Albus like a father patronizing a son. Usually he had some eloquent verbiage prepared just for the occasion and he would use it proudly against Albus. “Books are like kittens Albus. You can’t just mistreat them when they're young and then expect them to live very long.”

 

And Albus would reply in his normal dry tone, “But don’t cats have nine lives? I'm pretty sure that if the house cat we used to have could survive James' testing out the laundry chute, then an inanimate object can take some beatings and be just fine."

 

Their playful banter would usually continue until one of them conceded defeat or another interesting topic surfaced, like what they hoped was going to be for lunch or how much homework they were going to have.

  
 History of Magic was one of the few classes that Albus shared with Scorpius besides Charms. There was no Rose in their History class, thankfully, so it was just the two of them. He remembered when the two had first started going out. In the classes that they shared, Scorpius would try to sit by Albus most days but he always somehow ended up at Rose’s desk regardless. Eventually, he stopped sitting next to Albus all together and just sat next to Rose, luckily Albus had Danni and Marcus now, but it still sucked to see his former best friend drift further and further away from him. It was nice when Rose wasn’t around because then Scorpius would talk to him more and turn back into his nerdy, adorable self. However, as time went on, Scorpius seemed to speak of nothing except Rose. “She's just brilliant, your cousin is! The way she handles herself in any situation with poise—and the way she reads! That girl can out read even me!” “That’s fascinating Scorpius, truly.” Albus would mutter mindlessly in response to his friend's chatter, and he would then proceed to not only tune out Professor Binns but Scorpius as well.

 

And Scorpius would sigh in that dreamy fashion of a boy going through his first crush. It absolutely drove Albus insane. “You know, Al, if you were a bit more organized with your notes, you wouldn’t have to copy me all the time,” Scorpius would say as Albus would be furiously copying his friend's notes after class. "Well if you would just shut up about Rose for once then maybe I could focus a little more,” Albus remembered wanting to say that to him but chose not to. It would have been dishonest anyways. The distraction wasn't really Rose. It was Scorpius. He was constantly distracted by Scorpius. From the way he bit his lower lip ever so slightly when he was trying to understand a difficult question to the way he beamed with pride when he got good marks on an examination, all of it made Albus' heart ready to explode.

 

Albus finished up loading his trunk and crashed his head onto the pillows of his bed, staring at the ceiling. He began to remember what Lily had said earlier:

 

....as if they were faking it.

 

What if Lily was right? What if Scorpius was hiding something as well? What if Rose was? Hell, what if Rose knew about it and was playing along?

 

Albus shook his head, there was no way. Scorpius truly thought Rose was a brilliant girl and he wouldn’t have been so persistent on asking her out if he was into someone else.

 

It wouldn’t have been fair to Rose anyways if he was faking it, whatever the reason may be. Rose was his cousin after all, even though she could be ridiculously insufferable sometimes, she was still family and he hated the idea of someone playing with anyone’s feelings.

 

But then again what if she was playing along?

 

Albus shook his head at himself in disbelief, pulling the pillow up around his ears. Lily was again, right. He was giving himself false hope. However, he couldn’t ignore the pain he had felt a few weeks ago when he saw Rose and Scorpius making out so intensely, he wanted to be selfish, he really did, but his damn conscience kept getting in the way. Albus shut his eyes tightly and rubbed his temples with the tips of his fingers, tomorrow would be the day he finally said something to Scorpius. The very thought of it made him nervous and happy at the same time.

 

* * *

The next morning came far too quickly for Albus, the sun was shining harshly through his windows which made opening his eyes unbearable. And his head hurt. He needed coffee as soon as possible.

 

“Albus! Get up!” His mum yelled from down the hall.

 

“Coming,” he mumbled as he forced himself onto his feet.

 

“Albus!”His mum yelled again, louder this time.

 

“I said I’m coming!” Albus yelled back, opening his door to see Lily fully dressed and already moving her trunk down the stairs. Albus yawned and followed her down  


“Dad has breakfast ready, you have an hour until we have to leave,” Lily said over her shoulder.

 

The kitchen smelled of cinnamon and maple syrup. Ever since James’ first year at Hogwarts, Harry had made it a tradition to make his famous pancakes before sending his kids off.

 

“Thanks dad, it looks great as usual.” Lily stated cheerfully as she took a seat at the table. “

 

Yeah, thanks dad.” Albus mumbled. It really did smell great but he wasn’t sure if his nerves would allow him to eat.

 

“Eat up you two,” Said their mother, Ginny, from behind them, placing a hand on one of each of their shoulders. “You both have a long day ahead of you.”

 

“I still can’t believe you two are in Fourth and Sixth year already, those were defiantly two… interesting years for me.” Harry said, chuckling lightly.  


“Every year was interesting for you, Dad.” Lily replied casually as she poured herself some more orange juice.

 

Harry laughed, “That's definitely very true Lily, however, Sixth year and I had a love and hate relationship.” He smiled at his wife and pulled her close.

 

“More love than hate I’d hope,” Ginny said as she gave her husband a quick peck on the cheek.

 

“Really you two?” Albus groaned, disgusted by his parents being so mushy.

 

Harry smiled and turned his attention to his frowning son. “Say, Albus, are there any girls you're interested in?” His dad asked awkwardly, they never really talked about this kind of stuff. Ever.

 

Albus took a quick swig of his coffee, causing the scalding liquid to burn the back of his throat. He had no choice but choke out the words. “No, no there's not.” His eyes darted towards Lily who was eating her last bite incredibly slow, as if she was trying to avoid the question as well. Her eyes kept shifting uncomfortably between Albus and their father.

 

“Well there’s still time.” His mom replied with a smile and a small curious glance at her husband. “Are you both finished? We should get going.” She flicked her wand and the dishes began floating towards the sink.

 

The four Potters loaded up the trunks in the car and headed off towards King Cross Station. Albus always felt more and more students started Hogwarts every year and was amazed by how, despite that, the train still looked smaller with each passing year.

 

“Lily! Albus! There you guys are!” A voice yelled from behind them, Albus turned around to see Rose walking briskly towards them. She was followed by Albus’ younger cousin Hugo and the rest of Granger-Weasley clan.

 

“Hey Rose, Hugo!” said Lily as she skipped towards her cousins. Albus reluctantly smiled at them. Knowing Rose was nearby meant Scorpius would probably show up any minute.

 

“Albus, have you seen Scorpius?” Rose asked, looking around him to see if her boyfriend was back there. _Great. Here we go,_ he thought to himself. Albus decided to at least be polite. "Um, no I haven’t, actually.”

 

“Oh, okay then. Well, would you like to share a carriage with us when we find him? You can sit with my friends—I mean our friends. Scorpius' and my friends." She seemed a little flustered by the end.

 

Albus was a bit taken back. Rose rarely ever invited him to be around her friends—let alone sit with them. He threw a glance over towards the train and noticed that Danni and Marcus were walking towards the train. When they saw him, they waved.

 

But Albus couldn’t sit with them today. He needed to talk to Scorpius.

 

He felt Lily giving him an encouraging nudge, which prompted him to give Rose an answer. “Yeah, sure that sounds fine.” he finally said.

 

“Great! Then let’s go find them.” Rose said, smiling.

 

The children gave their goodbyes to their families and walked onto the train. Hugo and Lily separated from Rose and Albus to go sit with the other Fourth Years but not before Lily gave him a quick wink. Unfortunately, Rose noticed.

 

“What was that about?” She asked.

 

Albus bit his lip, praying that his genius cousin wouldn't put the pieces together. He desperately tried to play it off coolly with, "Who knows, she's probably just thankful that her brother is being more sociable.”

 

Rose shrugged and sighed. “Well it’s about time, don’t you think?” She grabbed his arm and started pulling him along the aisle.

 

It took a bit of searching before they finally found the right carriage where Scorpius was in along with a few of Rose's friends. Albus ended up recognizing the two girls to be two Gryffindors. Cara Finnigan and Mia La’Belle.

 

But his stomach did a flip when he saw Scorpius, sitting in the corner, awkward as ever and snacking on a chocolate frog. The blonde smiled wide when he saw Albus, which caused his heart to skip a beat.

 

“Hey, guys!" Rose exclaimed as she skipped into the room, giving her two best friends hugs before going over to give Scorpius a quick peck on the cheek. “You girls don’t mind if my cousin sits with us, right? He and Scorpius are best friends."

 

The two Gryffindor girls looked Albus up and down almost as if he was wearing a ghastly outfit, though in reality, to them he probably was. Albus was a Slytherin after all. But regardless, they both smiled and nodded.

 

“Of course,” said Mia with a very fake cheeriness to her voice. “Come on in.”

 

The girls immediately started to ignore the boys and begin a conversation of their own, giggling all the while. Albus awkwardly sat down next to Scorpius who looked very happy to see him.

 

“So this is what you do now?” Albus whispered to his friend. The girls were too busy talking amongst themselves to even care to listen. “Just sit here while my cousin and her friends talk?”

 

Scorpius shrugged. “It’s not all bad. Sometimes they include me in their conversation.”

 

“Sounds like a great life.” Albus said, not even bothering to hide his sarcasm.

 

Scorpius must have sensed that was something was wrong, since he gave his friend a worried look and asked, “Is there something a matter Albus?”

 

Albus just stared back at Scorpius lamely. He didn't really know how to say what he needed to say. His hands were beginning to feel sweaty, so to distract himself he looked over at the girls and then at the floor, trying desperately to not look Scorpius in the eye.

 

“Hey,” Scorpius’ voice was lower now and Albus could smell the chocolate on his breath. It made him shiver. “We can go and talk somewhere else if you want, um, I mean, if that’s what you'd like.”

Albus nodded, grateful that Scorpius could still read him.

 

They both stood up and grabbed their trunks. “We'll be back ladies.” Scorpius announced. The girls looked up at them, all three of them confused.

 

“Albus and I need some guy time, you know, to talk manly man stuff.” Albus could feel heat rising from his neck.

 

“Oh, okay then.” Rose said raising her eyebrows and giving Albus a questioning glance, though it seemed she didn't expect to find anything since she merely shrugged. “You two have fun.”

 

Albus followed Scorpius into the hallway. The train was already moving and Albus seriously doubted that they would get lucky enough to find any empty carriages but, much to his surprise, Scorpius found one at the very end of the train.

“This looks comfy,” Scorpius stated with a smile, opening the carriage door to let Albus through first. “Just like old times right?”

 

“Yeah,” Albus replied. A rush of happiness filled his body and made him feel ten times lighter. “Just like old times.”

 

He sat down on one of the seats and heaved a great sigh. Scorpius shut the door and took a seat across from Albus, holding out something in his hand. Albus didn't seem to quite understand, so with a light laugh, Scorpius grabbed his friend's hand and placed a Cauldron Cake into it. Albus smiled on the outside but on the inside he was shivering as the same familiar sensation racked his body. His hand tingled from where his skin had touched Scorpius’.

 

“So, are you going to tell me why you have been acting weird all summer or not?” Scorpius asked, leaning back and crossing his arms. “You rarely answered any of my owls, and the last time we hung out…well you just stormed off.”

Frustration rose in Albus’ chest and he immediately snapped back, “Well, I could really ask you the same thing, Scorpius.”

Scorpius looked taken aback, and the worry in his voice was blatantly obvious now. “What do you mean by that?”

“Last year, you completely ignored me the whole second term! You spent all your time with your new friends and stopped sitting next to me in class. Everything just became Rose this, Rose that—” Albus could've kept going but he stopped before his anger really got the best of him and he said something that he would regret later. He stared back at Scorpius who now looked similar to a kicked puppy.

“I-I didn’t know... I didn’t think you would care…” Scorpius turned his head away from Albus in embarrassment.

“Why would you think that I wouldn’t care? You were—no, you are my best friend.”

 

Scorpius shook his head. “I saw you making other friends and once you joined the Quidditch team you became busy and you seemed to start caring less and less about me and Rose—“

 

“I’ve always cared about you Scorpius!” Albus exclaimed, his heart nearly ready to come jumping out of his mouth. His stomach did another flip when he looked up and saw the gratitude in Scorpius’ eyes.

 

“I’m really sorry Albus, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. This, well, it's still all kind of new to me, having more than just one friend, and I definitely never expected Rose to finally say yes to me asking her out—and she feels bad too, just so you know. I told her, after the day at the swimming pool that I wanted you to be included more and she agreed."

 

Albus rolled his eyes “I'm so glad to know I have my cousin’s validation,” he said, this time not hiding his tone.

 

Scorpius smiles, “Oh come on. She’s not that bad, Albus. You know, we could find you a girl and we then could do a double date, maybe Mia?”

 

“I... I think I may be gay Scorpius.” Albus' own mouth dropped open when the words left his lips. It was the first time he had ever said that thought out loud, and now that he had done it, a strange feeling of relief washed over him.

 

“You—you're—wh-what?” Stammered Scorpius. Albus was pretty sure their facial expressions had about the same amount of astonishment to them.

 

“I think I might be gay.” Albus replied, trying his best to continue looking Scorpius in the eye.

 

Realization washed across Scorpius' face. “Oh, well, then. Wow. I mean not wow, wow, but... wow.”

 

Albus bit his lip, “You're... kind of the first person I’ve ever admitted that too.”

 

Scorpius stared at Albus for a second and then moved onto the seat Albus was sitting on so he was next to his friend. He quickly put his hand onto the other boy's shoulder.

 

“Hey, it’s okay, Al. It’s no big deal, really. I mean, it kinda sucks for the all girls at Hogwarts now because now they've got even more competition.” Scorpius finished with a lame laugh.

 

Albus’ face became red and he looked incredulously over at his friend. “What in Merlin’s name are you talking about Scorpius?”

 

Scorpius laughed nervously. “I don’t really know, guess I was trying to make a joke. It was bad, I’m sorry.” He removed his hand from Albus' shoulder.

 

The two of them sat there in silence, Scorpius sitting with his hands clasped across his lap and Albus running his hand through his hair as he fought for words.

 

“Does... does this change things?” he finally muttered quietly. Scorpius vigorously shook his head and turned to look at Albus confidently.

 

“No, absolutely not! We'll always be friends!” That’s not entirely what I wanted to hear, thought Albus, but it'll have to do for now.

 

He forced himself to smile at Scorpius, he was happy that he had come clean to his friend, but he still wasn’t being completely honest. Then again, Scorpius was showing absolutely no sign of interest in him other than just wanting to be friends.

 

Albus sighed. I really should've listened Lily about the whole “false hope thing”.

 

“I haven’t told anyone… well, not really. Lily sort of knows.” Albus frowned as he thought about how much his sister actually understood about his situation.

 

Scorpius smiled reassuringly, he still had a bit of chocolate stuck onto his bottom lip. Albus had to tear his eyes away. “I won’t tell anyone until you're ready, Al. Oh, here wanna do the hugging thing? You really like the hugging thing.” Scorpius held out his arms.

 

Albus laughed and nodded as his best friend leaned in to pull their bodies together. Their arms were wrapped around each other and Albus tried to not to think too much about the way Scorpius hugged him a little tighter before letting go. “So, wanna hear about the trivia tournament I was in this summer?” Scorpius asked way too excitedly.

 

Albus smirked. “Has anyone told you that you're a nerd recently?”

 

Scorpius laughed. “Almost always.”

 

Albus listened as Scorpius rambled on about his trivia, thankful that the sick feeling he'd had in his gut was now gone, but still wary of the desire to kiss that piece of chocolate off of Scorpius' damn lips that still remained.

 

This was going to be one interesting year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! I didn't plan on this chapter being this long but I couldn't stop writing! I love these two! I hope I captured Scorpius' "cinnamon roll-ness"  
> PLease tell me what you think, comments are like cookies and cookies make everyone happy ;)
> 
> AllyLynn


	3. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I smell,” He sniffed again to make sure he was correct, “I think I smell the grass after it rains, yeah that’s it, and peppermint,” The last one took a minute but he figured it out rather quickly, “Coffee, that’s defiantly coffee.”

Albus jolted awake, which caused his head to bang against the window uncomfortably. He must have fallen asleep at some point during the ride. Rubbing his eyes wearily, he glanced out the window. The highest peak of Hogwarts Castle was getting closer and closer, they had to be less than ten minutes away from the station, now.

Albus looked back to see Scorpius curled up in the corner on the opposite side. The front of his face was squished against the bench cushion, resulting in his nose being turned unattractively upward in a way that was reminiscent of a pig snout. Albus smiled and stifled a laugh, only Scorpius could sleep like that and still look as handsome as ever.

Reaching over, Albus shook Scorpius' knee gently. “Scorpius?” he whispered. “Time to get up mate.”

Scorpius’ eyes fluttered open and he began to look about the cabin as if trying to remember where he was. When his gaze met Albus', he stretched and yawned loudly.

“How long was I out for?” Scorpius rubbed his neck, cringing a bit.

Albus shrugged. “Beats me, I fell asleep, too. I just woke a minute ago and saw we were close, so I figured I should wake you, too.”

Scorpius nodded slowly in agreement. “I probably bored you to death talking about Dad finding me a copy of Margate the Master’s Autobiography.”

Albus laughed. “Never, although I have known you to exhaust yourself from your own talking.”

Scorpius shrugged, “I have a lot to say about a lot of stuff.” He looked up at Albus smiling, “You actually listen to me unlike most others—well, I mean, Rose does, too, but—“

Albus wrinkled his nose and a wave of anger overtook him. “Can you last five minutes without mentioning Rose?” he snapped. He regretted his tone as soon as he saw the obvious offense in Scorpius' eyes.

“I mean, you have this problem with mentioning her in every single conversation.” Albus was trying to make what he was trying to say not sound like jealousy but he knew he was failing. His tone was sharp and clipped, the exact type of speech that he knew hurt Scorpius the most, and yet he couldn't stop. “I know she's your girlfriend and all, but she's also my cousin, I grew up with her. I know she's just as nerdy as you are.”

Scorpius looked down at the floor, a guilty look etched on his face. Albus felt a twinge of sadness at seeing his friend looking so hurt. It was the same look he had given Albus a few years ago, back in the alternate universe when his dad had prohibited Albus from seeing Scorpius. He hated thinking about that time. He sat down and tentatively patted Scorpius’ arm, but Scorpius didn’t look up.

“You know, she gets annoyed with me, too, says I talk about you too much, in fact.” He kicked at an invisible piece of dirt on the floor. A dry crackly laugh escaped his throat. “I’m just, I’m so happy to have both of you in my life. I went from having nobody, to having just you, which was great, to having you and now someone else, too.” He sighed, this time looking up at Albus. Albus heart sped up when their eyes met. “You both just mean a lot to me, and I know I need to work on the whole balancing friends thing, but maybe you two can work out whatever it is that's made you drift apart.” Scorpius finally looked away, suddenly appearing fearful, almost as if he had just said something terrible.

“Scorpius,” Albus said softly, trying his best to console his friend without touching him too much. Would he even notice? A voice in the back of his head asked. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. If it means that much to you—if she means that much to you, then yes. Yes, I will try to work things out with Rose.”

Scorpius smiled, the corners of his mouth turning genuinely upward for the first time since they had been alone together. He honestly looked overjoyed as he leaned closer to Albus, his eyes shining. “Really? Because that’s awesome! She misses you Albus, she really does. You two used to be best friends before we started at Hogwarts.”

“Yeah,” Albus said, smiling back at Scorpius. “We did, but things changed and people changed, too. But we're older now, and the past is in the past.” He said this only half-heartedly, since the thought of him now having to spend time with Rose and Scorpius together gave him a headache.

“Right,” replied Scorpius, triumphantly. “I probably shouldn't tell you this, because I did say I wouldn’t tell anyone, but you know Carter Mason? He's Gryffindor’s Seeker. He came out to the entire Gryffindor House last year, so, I don’t know maybe Rose could introduce you guys and we could do a double date, then!” He nodded excitedly.  
Albus couldn’t match his excitement, however, and his heart sank.

“I’m not ready to come out yet, Scorp.” This time it was Albus who looked down at the floor. Besides, the one he wanted was Scorpius. Not Carter Mason.

Scorpius pursed his lips, “Well, when you're ready, I’ll be there for you when you are.” His hand landed on Albus’ thigh, which caused Albus’ leg to twitch. Scorpius quickly moved his hand back to Albus’ shoulder, a light blush coloring his cheeks.

The blonde laughed. “Sorry about that.” Albus thought he had heard a slight nervous tone in his laugh, but chose to ignore it.

He knew he should just give up. And maybe, just maybe, try to flirt with someone else. It might help to get his mind off of things. Carter Mason perhaps? From what he knew, Carter was now the only gay bloke at Hogwarts besides him. There had been two seventh years that he had been widely known to be gay but they had already graduated. Albus mentally kicked himself, even if was to even attempt to try to get with Carter he wouldn’t know where to begin. He'd never flirted with anyone, well, besides Delphi, but even then it was all her doing. Although, getting with Mason would require him to come out to the entire school. Was he even ready to do that? He ran his hand through his already messed up hair, this whole thing was starting to give him a permanent headache.

When they arrived at Hogwarts, the boys found Rose standing just outside of the train, waiting for them. Her friends were standing close by, looking quite impatient. She smiled what Albus knew to be a genuine smile when she spotted them. "There you two are!" She walked up and gave Scorpius a kiss on the check, "Did you boys have enough 'guy time'?

"Why, yes we did." Scorpius answered. He swung both of his lanky arms around Rose’s and Albus’ shoulders, pulling them both close to him. “It’s great to have my two favorite people with me, well except for my Dad, but he is definitely in the Top Five with you two.”

Rose’s friends snickered behind them, Albus started to turn around until he had realized Rose beat him to the punch.

“Is something funny girls?” she asked with a bit of an accusatory tone.

Albus noticed how taken aback the girls were at Rose's sudden question, and he was equally as baffled. Maybe Rose was really trying for all of them to be friends. He felt a twinge of guilt for being so hard on her, but she used to treat Scorpius so poorly and he often wondered why she had finally said yes to Scorpius’ numerous advances.

When they arrived to the castle, Albus and Scorpius went their separate ways from the girls to join their fellow Slytherins for the Welcome Back Feast. They found Danni and Marcus sitting towards the end of the Slytherin table.

“Oh look who decided to grace us with their presence?" Danni said as the two boys walked up. Danni had really become a good friend of Albus' in the past year, the two of them had the same dry sense of humor and she found Albus' chronic pessimism amusing. "Thanks a bunch for ditching us on the train.”

“Sorry,” replied Albus, “My cousin wanted us to sit with her.” He knew he wasn’t saying the whole truth but he had just a feeling that at least Danni knew that his feelings for Scorpius were a tad bit more than just friendly. It was something that could just go unsaid.

“Rose Granger-Weasley? That cousin?” Marcus asked.

Albus raised his eyebrows to show that he was just as equally surprised at the time. “I know right? According to Scorpius here, she actually wants to start acknowledging me as her cousin in public now.”

Scorpius shook his head. “She’s always acknowledged you as her cousin.”

“Yes, the less popular, less intelligent and less talented cousin.” Albus retorted as he rolled his eyes.

Scorpius began to defend Rose but they were interrupted by Professor McGonagall who began the housing ceremonies.

While watching the new First Years take their anxiety-ridden steps towards the Sorting Hat, Albus spotted Carter Mason sitting at the Gryffindor table. The people nearby didn’t seem to be shunning him for coming out, in fact, he looked as popular as ever. Maybe people wouldn’t care either if he came out. After all, he was already considered “Harry Potter’s Weird Son” so why not add a little bit of homosexuality to the mix to spice things up? As he studied Mason a little more he did notice some attractive qualities about him. His sandy blonde hair, his broad shoulders, his jaw line…. which was of course nowhere near as attractive as Scorpius’ jaw line but…

He mentally kicked himself, things wouldn’t get better if he kept comparing every single person to Scorpius.

But Scorpius was, well…. he was Scorpius and no one could compare, it wasn’t that simple.

The feast ended and the students wandered off into their own respective houses.

Scorpius ran off to walk Rose to the Gryffindor common room first and Albus walked with Danni and Marcus towards the dungeons.

“You know; you seem awfully gloomy for someone whose best friend decided to come back into their life.” Danni whispered, making sure only the three of them heard. “Did something happen on the train?”

Albus shrugged. “Nothing bad happened if that’s what you’re thinking about, he just wants Rose, him, and me to all be friends.”

Danni nodded. “Well, I suppose it would be nice of you to at least try.”

Albus sighed. They reached the common room and half of the students were continuing their conversations from the Great Hall and the other half were already retiring to their dorms. He noticed that his other roommate Dennis Goyle was eating his girlfriend Rachel McClory's face off in the corner.

“I guess they made up," Marcus added with a smirk. “Certainly didn’t take long.”

Albus was not in the mood to discuss his roommate's ever changing relationship status, so he excused himself to his dormitory. He didn’t even bother unpacking, he just fell onto his bed and waved his wand to draw the curtains so the guys would  
know that he didn’t want to be disturbed.

He didn’t know if he could handle seeing Scorpius' face for the rest of the evening.

Albus shut his eyes and tried to calm down by focusing on himself breathing in and out, but no matter what he did he couldn’t get rid of the feeling of Scorpius' hand on his thigh from earlier today. He tried to bring his focus to Carter again but it was no use. Scorpius was consuming him with every passing second and that was when he felt the lump in his throat. He desperately tried to swallow it down but it only seemed to make things worse for now he could feel tears prickling his eyes. Confusion and frustration coursed through him, and it seemed like he didn’t know how to feel or even what to feel.

It would be so easy to just come out and go for someone else who was actually interested in you other than a friend.

On the other hand, he could just get on with it and tell Scorpius how he felt.

Maybe that was how it was supposed to be. After all, both of his namesakes were victims of unrequited love, he may as well get used to the rejection.

But he touched your thigh, what “friend” does that?

He slammed his head back into the pillow partly wishfully thinking that the soft object would cause some pain, anything to get rid of this never fleeting feeling. He wanted to be numb. It felt like that was the only emotion he could handle right now and as he slowly drifted to sleep he decided that was exactly what he had to be. Numb.

* * *

 

 

Scorpius was the first to wake out all of his roommates; he knew he had at least a good two hours before breakfast even began so he decided to make the most of his alone time. The morning was Scorpius’ absolute favorite time of day. He loved how the castle always felt so fresh and bright as the early morning sun poured down from the windows. He chuckled to himself as he heard Albus’ voice in the back of his head in his usual dry tone.

“Nerd.”

He looked over towards Albus’ bed and could hear him snoring beyond the curtains. Albus could sleep through a troll rampaging through the castle if he really wanted too. Scorpius looked down to see that Albus had not even bothered to unpack. His trunk was still locked with only his broomstick perched against it. He shook his head at this sleeping friend and made a mental note to attempt to wake him up early enough so he would be ready in time for class.

Scorpius grabbed his own robes and made his way into the shower. He let the warm water rush across his face, allowing it to wash away the stuffy feeling he got from being on the train too long. He started to remember the train ride over to Hogwarts and how great it felt to hang out with Albus like in old times. He had seriously missed him. He truly did feel bad for spending so much time with Rose last year but everything was just so new to him. People actually talked to him nicely now instead of the old ludicrous comments of him being Voldemort’s spawn. Yeah, sure, they were mainly being friendlier towards him because he was dating Rose Granger-Weasley but it was nice that the taunting had finally stopped.

He knew that Albus was not thrilled about him dating his cousin but he didn't quite understand why. Rose wasn't a bad person and after he had “planted the acorn” as he called it, she became more and more pleasant. At first, he did think she finally said yes to going out with him because she pitied him but after their first awkward date at Hogsmeade she finally warmed up to him and even said she enjoyed his company and he enjoyed hers. He enjoyed her as much as he enjoyed Albus and that was why it was so important to Scorpius to have both of them in his life. They both made him happy.

He got out of the shower, used a drying spell to speed things up, and got dressed. He walked back into the room and opened the curtains of Albus’ bed. Albus was sprawled out on his tummy with his pillow lying on top of his head. Scorpius grabbed the pillow and smacked it across Albus’ head. Albus jumped up startled.

“Rise and shine!” Scorpius exclaimed.

Albus muttered something along of the lines of “not necessary” and “need coffee” before laying his head back onto his pillow less bed.

Scorpius rolled his eyes playfully, “We'll go get you coffee, but first you need to unpack. We have Advanced Potions first thing on Mondays, I already got our time tables for us.”

Albus shook his head, “Don’t wanna, sun too bright.”

“Hey will you two love birds quiet down?” Goyle yelled from his bed. “Some of us actually enjoy sleep.”

Scorpius noticed Albus’ ears become slightly pink at Goyle’s comment. Albus rolled himself onto his feet and gave out an obnoxious yawn that Scorpius knew was only to annoy Goyle more.

“Coffee?” Albus asked, his hair sticking up in more different directions than usual.

“Yeah.” Scorpius nodded, smiling at his best friend’s appearance. "But first un-pack.”

After breakfast, the two boys walked to Potions together. Scorpius had received an “O” on his potions O.W.L’s, which he was pretty pleased with but he was ecstatic to know that Albus had received an “E” meaning it was one more class they could take together. Albus was very quiet today but Scorpius blamed it on his usual moody self.

“Hey you two!” A voice called from behind them.

Rose appeared from the around the corner, she was alone meaning Mia and Cara did not make it to the NEWT level of potions. Scorpius felt oddly relieved; sometimes those girls could be a bit too much. Rose linked her arm with Scorpius and looked surprise to see Albus walking next to them.

“Albus, are you taking Advanced Potions too? You got a passing O.W.L?” She asked. Scorpius could hear a slight condescending tone in her voice, which irked him a little since he did not very much care for this side of Rose.

“Don’t sound so surprised.” Albus replied flatly, not looking at her as they walked into the classroom.

Much to Scorpius' surprise, Rose did not fight back.

“No I-I'm actually really happy to see that you passed.” She said instead, giving her cousin a smile and then giving the same smile to Scorpius. Scorpius felt elated that she was really trying.

“You two sit together,” She said putting her books down at an empty desk by the window. “I’ll sit with Carter when he arrives.”

At the sound of Mason’s name Scorpius looked at Albus, he wanted to support his best friend since he liked seeing Albus happy. But Albus did nothing except raise his eyebrows at Scorpius as if to say, “Really?”

“I’m just trying to help.” Scorpius whispered.

Albus sighed. “I don’t need your help; I just don’t want to date anyone right now okay?”

Scorpius was about to reply when Professor Rodger Slughorn began to talk. Professor Horace Slughorn had retired many years prior and his nephew had taken the post of Potions Master.

“Everyone quiet down!” He bellowed as he sauntered over to the front table where four cauldrons were placed in a row. “Now, let’s get started, this is a NEWT level class, therefore—Oh Mr. Mason how nice of you to join us—like I was saying this a NEWT level class so I expect you all to know your stuff.”

Scorpius looked over at Albus who he noticed was looking over at Mason. Suddenly a weird feeling came over Scorpius, he thought it would be a great idea for Albus to date Mason since they were both, well, in the same situation, but he suddenly felt protective over Albus, as if Mason was not good enough for Albus. His best friend deserved better. In fact, he deserved the best.

“Mr. Malfoy can you please explain to me what Amortentia is?” asked Professor Slughorn.

Scorpius jumped at the sound of his name, scrambling to gather his thoughts.  
Amortentia…Amortentia…

“Oh!” Scorpius said a bit too enthusiastically. “It's the strongest love potion in the world, it's said to smell differently to everyone depending on what they are attracted to.”

“Yes, yes very good Mr.Malfoy, now can you tell the class what scents you smell from the potion?” Professor Slughorn gestured to one of the cauldrons and motioned for Scorpius to come closer.

Scorpius heard a few students in the back snickering and he suddenly felt nervous. He glanced over towards Rose who was giving him an encouraging smile. He walked up to the table to get close to the cauldron, and as he stood right above it a warm, euphoric sensation clouded his senses. He'd never smelled anything so good, not even Dipsy the House Elf’s cooking could compare.

“I smell...” He sniffed again to make sure he was correct. “I think I smell the grass after it rains, yeah that’s it, and peppermint,” The last one took a minute but he figured it out eventually with one last deep breath. “And coffee. That’s definitely coffee.”

“Very good,” said Professor Slughorn. “Now class you will all get a chance to smell Amortentia for yourselves because that is exactly what you will be attempting to make today. You'll have three hours to complete the potion. Time starts now.”

Scorpius turned around and sat back in his seat, Albus gave him a smirk.

“The grass after it rains?” Albus raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Scorpius replied, the heat rising to his cheeks but he chose to ignore it. “Now quit mocking me or I won’t help you.”

“Fine,” Albus said suppressing a laugh, “Although, I have to admit, I never thought about it but it’s true, grass does really smell nice after it rains.”

Scorpius smiled up at his slightly taller friend and began crushing herbs. He glanced over at Rose to say something to her but stopped as a thought raced through his mind and the odd sensation he had felt before came back as he recalled observing something about Rose not long ago.

Rose never drank coffee because she preferred tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my! So I was late on this update because I had originally decided against ever telling Scorpius POV but realized that it would really help the story a lot, to see his side of things.  
> I am very, very excited to write the next chapter, the story will be really moving along after this one :)
> 
> Comments make me smile so please comment! :) Good or Bad, I appreciate it!
> 
> Ally


	4. Always There

“I wonder how many students Smythe is going to make cry this year?” Danni asked as she and Albus traveled down to the Quidditch pitch on Friday afternoon. The sky was already slightly overcast and Albus sensed that rain wasn’t too far behind.   
  
“Dunno, you reckon he is still going to make them try out if it starts to pour?” Albus replied with a worried look to the sky.   
  
Danni rolled her eyes and gave out an exasperated sigh. Even Albus knew how ridiculous he had just sounded. Douglas Smythe was the Slytherin Quidditch Captain and he lived, dreamed and breathed Quidditch. Albus had been told by his other classmates that he even slept with his broom sometimes. Smythe never confirmed nor denied such a rumor.   
  
“He made that poor third year girl cry last year, all for taking too long to throw the Quaffle. I thought she would have made a great player, too!” Danni said, shaking her head. “She’s probably too scared to ever try out again.”   
  
Albus snorted in agreement. “I almost jinxed the Quaffle to fly into his face he was pissing me off so much.”    
  
He recalled last year when he had gone to try out for one of the Chaser positions that had opened up and how he couldn’t escape the taunting jeers of Smythe.   
  
“Your mother would have done it better.” Smythe would say after Albus had completed a drill.   
  
Or some other time he would say something along the lines of, “Even your dad could have scored that and he was a lousy Seeker!”   
  
He was about to just quit when he had decided to take out all his frustration out on the Quaffle and the goal post and outscored every other potential opponent, which even pleased the never-satisfied Smythe. Ever since then he had finally understood why his Dad found flyting to be so therapeutic.    
  
“I remember that.” Danni laughed. “I think he was just trying to get a rise out of you, I suppose. I feel like he tries to do that with everyone but takes it way too far.”   
  
“Why are you dressed in your gear anyways?” Albus asked, studying the petite girl. “Why would we need our seeker at tryouts?”   
  
“It’s called ‘team participation’ and Smythe also said I could use a bit of extra ‘practice.’” She rolled her eyes again Albus wondered if her eyes would eventually become stuck like that. “He’s still upset that I broke my arm right before the final game of the season.”   
  
Albus chuckled, remembering the sight of a very distraught Smythe lying on the floor of the Common Room after the final game between Slytherin and Ravenclaw, looking at the fireplace all forlornly. “I have a feeling he is going to be up all our arses even more now since it is his last year and all.”   
  
They entered the Quidditch pitch to already see Smythe already barking orders at the potential recruits, one could easily tell the difference between the more confident players and the players who looked like they were about to piss themselves from nerves.   
  
“Potter! Higgs!” Shouted Smythe from the middle of the pitch, “You’re late!”   
  
Danni did a mock curtsey “So sorry, Your Highness, please accept our apologies, we are not worthy.” Albus was trying his hardest not laugh.    
  
Smythe just rolled his eyes.   
  
“You’re lucky we need you, Higgs.” Smythe said, turning back to the recruits. “Okay since the last chaser had graced us with his presence we will start off with the Keeper portion of this try out.” He turned to signal Albus to get on this broom and then looked at the piece of parchment that was in his hands. “Okay Kristoph Gregory, you’re up first.”   
  
Albus mounted his broom and kicked off the ground to join the other two chasers that were already flying around. As he surveyed the area he saw the familiar white-blonde hair of Scorpius, he was perched on the bleachers by himself with his nose stuck in a book as per usual. It warmed Albus’ heart to see his best friend was there to watch him practice. He had mentioned earlier that try-outs were today, but he didn’t think Scorpius would pay much mind to it. He had never seen him play in the past, not that he knew of, at least.  Scorpius looked up from his book and when he saw Albus he smiled and waved at Albus. Albus’ stomach did an involuntary somersault.  It meant more to him than he could ever express that Scorpius was there. He was always there when he needed him.   
  
“Potter! Hey, Potter!” Someone was yelling.   
  
He broke out of his subconscious thoughts just in time to see that Darcy Patterson had thrown the Quaffle towards him. Once again, Scorpius Malfoy had distracted him and he had barely stopped himself. There had to be a light at the end of this tunnel somewhere.   
  
**< line break>** ****  
  
After tryouts ended Albus went to the changing rooms and took a quick shower. Danni was waiting for him when he had walk out.   
  
“What happened to you today?" she asked, eyeing him curiously. Albus sighed. Leave it to Danni to not beat around the bush.    
  
He shrugged and glanced around the pitch one last time, hoping Scorpius would have waited for him too, but he had seemed to have disappeared.  “I don’t know; I just have a lot on my mind, I guess.” His stomach grumbled, dinner had to be soon.    
  
He began to start walking back towards the castle before Danni grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn around and face her. She had an all knowing smile on her face, very similar to the one Lily had worn just a few weeks ago when she had confronted Albus about...   
  
_ Shit. _ __   
  
“You can stop lying to me, now, Albus." At Albus' widening eyes, she just nodded. "I’ve known for a long time.”   
  
_ Was there any point of denying it anymore? _ Albus thought to himself, his shoulders drooping. Though, he knew the answer to that question.   
  
“How long have you known?” He asked, defeated.   
  
Danni smiled, as if she was pleased with herself. “Since last year, right before we went on the train, the look on your face when you two stopped hugging. You didn’t want it to end.” She spoke the last five words as if she was reciting it out of a fairytale book.   
  
Albus wished the damn Weasley trait of his ears reddening hadn't been passed down to him. “Really?” He shook his head at himself angrily. “Have I really become that obvious?”   
  
She nodded, “Sorry bud, but we all know that you are into blonde bookworms.     
Albus mouthed dropped open, his face now probably an unattractive shade of scarlet. He struggled for words. “We all... know? And who exactly... is we?” he asked flabbergasted.    
  
Danni threw her head back and laughed, placing hand on Albus' arm. If she thought she was helping she wasn’t.   
  
“Oh you know, me, Marcus, and Goyle.” She smiled mischievously. “The only one who isn’t aware is Scorpius.”   
  
Rolling his eyes, Albus kicked the rock that was in front of him. “Great,” he mumbled. “Now I’m even more of a joke.”   
  
“Albus, quit being dramatic.” Danni said, grabbing his arm again so he couldn’t run off. “We don’t think of you as a ‘joke’, how could you possibly think that?”   
  
Albus turned around to face her, her smile was gone and she actually looked offended that he would say such a thing.   
  
“I don’t,” he answered, looking down at the ground again. “I just... wasn’t expecting everyone to know, I guess.”   
  
“Who cares if we know?” Danni said, exasperated. “It’s 2022 no one cares who likes who or what anymore."   
  
“They care when you're already ‘Harry Potter’s disappointing son,'” he grumbled.   
  
“Will they though?” Danni’s voice had become very gentle and it was making Albus feel a bit uncomfortable. “I feel like everyone is a bit passed that now.”   
  
Albus shrugged. She was sort of right—jokes of him being the ‘Slytherin Squib’ had decreased quite exceptionally in the past year. Part of him really did want his parents to accept him too, his relationship with his Dad was still not stellar but it was much better than what it used to be. Deep down, he wondered if his parents would really care about who he liked, or even loved, maybe.    
  
_ Love. _ __   
  
He wasn’t sure if he was in love with Scorpius but apparently Amortentia didn’t lie. He instantly recognized the smell of books, chocolate, and the aroma of a roaring fire to be everything Scorpius Malfoy consisted of.   
  
He knew he was screwed. He was defiantly cursed with unrequited love just like the two men he was named after. He mentally cursed his father for doing this to him.  _ Thanks a lot, Dad. _ __   
  
He finally spoke after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, “I don’t think I have a chance Danni, he chose the other Weasley.”   
  
“That's his decision Al, he can’t help who he likes any more than you can, but you can help how you view things from now on.”   
  
Albus raised one of his raven colored brows. “And how do you suppose I do that? I’ve been trying to get over him. I just can’t.”   
  
The clouds above finally gave in and the rain began to fall on them, motivating the two of them to pick up their pace towards the castle. For the time being, their conversation would have to wait until they found shelter.   
  
They finally reached the overhang of the courtyard and Albus could faintly smell the food coming from the Great Hall through the rain. It made his stomach grumble.   
  
Danni shook her head, raindrops flew off her short hair, snaked her arm around Albus, and started guiding him towards the entrance of the castle. Albus was not used to her doing that. He looked down at her, confused, but she had a determined look on her face.   
  
“You always view things so negatively Albus. Remember last year and how depressed you were? Well we were all sick of it, so we pushed you to join the Quidditch team because you needed to do something other than sulk about your best friend ditching you for your cousin!”   
  
“It’s not like I try to be a Negative Nargle, Danni.” Albus argued. “And look,” he said, flashing his broom in front of her face, “I did join!”   
  
“Yes.” Danni sighed. “And you definitely seem happier, now. But outside of Quidditch you still walk around with this big grey cloud over your head. So now, since you’ve gotten this big old secret off your chest you should just put yourself out there!” She nudged him playfully.    
  
His stomach began to hurt and he wasn’t sure if it was because he was starving or because the thought of putting himself out there made him nauseous. Maybe it was both.   
  
Albus let out a tired sigh. “You make it sound so easy.”   
  
“Well you know what they say the best way to get over someone is to get under /someone else.” Danni smirked at him.

  
“What?” Albus choked on his own words. “Danni, I don’t, I’m not going to-“   
  
Danni was laughing so hard she had to use a pillar to keep herself up. Albus could feel the temperature rising in his face. Danni stopped to catch her breath to only glance at Albus and continued to laugh. “I’m kidding! I just wanted to see how much of a rise I could get out of you—you’re too easy Al.”   
  
Albus rolled his eye at his friend. They finally reached the Great Hall where all the students were already eating dinner. He glanced over at the Gryffindor table to see, sure enough, Rose and Scorpius were sitting next to each other. Rose was, as usual, basking in the spotlight but Scorpius looked like he was in a completely different world when he was usually very attentive to Rose. Albus hoped everything was okay with Scorpius’ father because he only ever looked that solemn when something was going on with his family.   
  
As he stared at Scorpius he could feel another pair of eyes on him. He glanced over to the right of Rose to see Carter Mason gazing at him, a small smirk quirking his lips upward.   
  
That was when a thought came to him. He sat down with his Slytherin friends and for a flicker of a second felt equally confident as he did nervous.   
  
If he was going to put himself out there, then there was no time like the present.   
  
He looked over his shoulder to see, much to his amusement, Carter still staring at him. Albus flashed a small smile back at him and then quickly turned away before his ears started to turn red again.   
****

 

* * *

****  
  
Scorpius hadn't slept since he smelled that Amortentia in class six days ago. At first, he didn’t understand why. Why was he taking this damn love potion so seriously? It was a damn love potion, and maybe Rose just hadn’t start to like coffee yet. It was an acquired taste after all. Therefore, he was being ridiculous. Everything was fine—great, even.   
  
There was nothing to worry about, the acorn was most certainly still there.   
  
But... why hadn’t he smelled bread? Baked goods? The usual sweet, cinnamon-like scent that forever lingered in her hair?    
  
When he had asked Rose that evening what she smelled in the Amortenia she had proudly said, “Something woodsy, leather, and I think it was pumpkin but I’m not sure.”    
  
His heart sank, he was positive he owned nothing that was leather, it wasn't his style, and he hated—no, despised anything pumpkin flavored.   
  
_ It's just a damn love potion, it meant nothing!  _ A small voice in his head screamed.   
  
_ But it's the strongest love potion in the world, how could it mean nothing?  _ Another voice countered.

  
He moved his fingers in small circular motions along his temples, squinting his eyes closed. He wanted to stop thinking about this. He wanted to see Albus.   
  
_ Albus _ .   
  
Every time his life became a little stressful or when was just in a bad mood he could always count on Albus to be there to cheer him up. Whether it be one of his sarcastic comments or a simple pat on a shoulder, Albus was always there to make things better.   
  
Albus was not only his best friend but also his person. He was beyond grateful to have Albus because he had been the first person outside of Scorpius' immediate family that had truly cared about him.    
  
So, Albus would know what to do in this situation right? He would tell Scorpius to stop letting a stupid love potion consume his every thought, or maybe stop obsessing over something he couldn’t control, since Albus knew how much Scorpius liked Rose. He would knock some sense him into him right?   
  
He looked down at his pocket watch and noted it was five o'clock. Albus had mentioned something about Quidditch tryouts happening at five thirty. He could speak to his friend after that. Scorpius grabbed his potion problems and stuffed them in his bag, laughing a bit to himself, since it was Albus who would normally do something like this. Just stuffing his homework into his bag not caring if it got ripped in the process. He took the parchment back out and neatly folded it into his Advanced Potions book. Much better.   
  
He arrived to the Quidditch pitch and grabbed a seat in the stands, only to find that Albus had not even arrived yet. He could hear Douglas Smythe barking orders at some younger looking students, even Scorpius felt intimidated and he wasn’t even being ordered around. He glanced at his pocket watch again and leaned back with a sigh. He might as well wait until Albus was finished before he talked to him.    
  
He began to finish up the potions formula questions they were assigned until he heard Smythe yelling at Albus, he looked up to see his friend in his Slytherin Quidditch robes smiling at Danni Higgs who was probably saying something snarky back to Smythe. He heard Smythe yell another order to Albus, and Albus obeyed—Scorpius never had understood why someone like Smythe could take a sport so seriously, it was just a game after all. And a particularly boring game in Scorpius' opinion.   
  
However, watching his friend fly around so effortlessly and with such confidence really amazed Scorpius. He had never realized how much Albus had changed in the past year. Quidditch really brought out a different side of his friend that Scorpius definitely was not used to.    
  
Albus looked down at him from his broom and waved at Scorpius, who quickly waved back. Albus’ messy hair was flying all over the place and looked very soft—for a brief moment Scorpius wondered what it would feel like in comparison to Rose’s…   
  
“No,” he whispered to himself. Why would he want to touch Albus’ hair? Friends don’t want to run their fingers through their other friend’s hair.   
  
No. Just. No. He didn’t think that way. Malfoy’s didn’t think that way.   
  
He forced his eyes to glance back up at Albus. He had the Quaffle now and was zooming towards the goal. Scorpius had never noticed how muscular his arms had become over the year. His heart started to involuntarily speed up and he couldn’t stop it. He took a long slow breath to ease the sensation he felt in his chest but it was no use.   
  
_ No, this is all in your head, he’s your friend, you're over thinking things again.  Rose is your girlfriend focus on her. _ __   
  
And he tried, after he heard Smythe’s whistle to have everybody come gather, Scorpius jumped up and quickly left the stadium and ran back to the castle. He saw Rose walking with her Gryffindor friends towards The Great Hall.  She turned around when she heard his footsteps, and her smile gave him that familiar fluttering sensation.    
  
_ Good, see? This is good. Everything is fine. You didn’t need Albus to tell you that you were overthinking. _ __   
  
Until he realized that Albus shared the exact same expression as Rose when Scorpius was lost in his own thoughts—both of them would have one eyebrow arched, lips slightly parted. The fluttering was still there but Scorpius wasn’t sure it was for the right reasons.   
  
He stayed quiet all dinner, mainly so he could be focused on other things, like his assignments for the weekend. He had one essay in Transfiguration and those damn potion problems he still hadn’t finished. Potions. Amortentia. Coffee.   
  
Albus loved coffee.   
  
_ Oh no. _ __   
  
If things hadn’t gotten any worse. Albus came up to him and Rose after dinner to see if they all wanted to go to Hogsmeade tomorrow. Scorpius couldn’t look into Albus’ eyes, his green as freshly cut grass eyes.   
  
__ Shit .   
  
For once, he wanted desperately for Rose to say no, that they were going on a date instead.

  
_ Shut Albus out one more time Rose, please, for me.  _ __   
  
To his dismay, she said yes. Rose and Albus exchanged the Weasley family bickering thing they did that Scorpius never understood. Then they hugged.    
  
Albus smiled at Scorpius, whose brain was complete mush. He didn’t understand what was going on. At all.    
  
Rose’s hand intertwined with his as they left towards the Gryffindor Common Room.   
  
It was their usual evening ritual. Usual. Normal.

  
“Hey, Rose.” It was Albus again. Scorpius and Rose turned back to look at him. He looked nervous. His fringe slightly swept over his left eye.    
  
He fiddled with the edge of his robes. “I um, well I was wondering. Maybe you, if you want..."   
  
“Yes Albus?” Scorpius heard Rose ask.    
  
_ Why was Albus so nervous? _ __   
  
Albus took a breath and finished. “Bring Carter along, too. The more the merrier, actually.”   
  
Scorpius didn’t recognize that tone coming from Albus. He sounded so sure of himself but so terrified at the same time. Scorpius didn’t like it.   
  
Rose smiled brilliantly at her cousin. “Of course, I’ll invite him. See you at noon tomorrow.”   
  
Scorpius chest burned with unexplainable hatred; he didn’t understand why or what made him feel this way. All of this was so ridiculous. Why did Albus want Carter Mason—Carter Mason, of all people, to come anyways?   
  
__ Oh. Oh!

  
Scorpius tried his breathing exercise again but fell short when he noticed how Rose was walking next to him, with a spring in her step and a smug smile on her face.   
  
“What are you so amused about?” Scorpius asked.   
  
Rose looked up at him, her eyes glittering, the same look when she figured out how to word an essay perfectly.   
  
“Well, if I'm right, and I think I am, my mom owes me five galleons.” She said confidently. She kissed Scorpius on the cheek but all Scorpius could do was smile at her wearily.    
  
He didn’t question her and, honestly, he didn’t want to question her. He wanted to punch Mason in the face. He shook his head. When did he ever resort to violence?   
  
That evening, Scorpius took several laps around the castle before entering the Slytherin Boys' Dorms. He didn’t want to see Albus and was thinking of all the ways he could fake sick tomorrow. He couldn’t miss it, however, Rose would be mad and maybe Albus needed him. For support or whatever the hell he was on about.    
  
He laid in his bed, letting his thoughts completely consume him until he finally fell asleep. Going in and out of dreams of a certain raven haired best friend of his and how he looked today in those damn Quidditch robes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think someone needs to tell Scorpius that the first step is admitting the problem....  
> But, I'm so sorry this chapter took so long. I really do try to have these done by the weekend abut something always comes up. 
> 
> I hope everyone is still enjoying this, I know its a very slow burn fic, but I promise after this chapter speed up pretty quickly. 
> 
> Please leave a comment they make my day :) See you guys soon and enjoy!


	5. Hogsmeade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But in his heart... well, he wasn't entirely sure what he knew in his heart anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I would like to say sorry for the long delay for an update! I finally got myself the most amazing beta! Closetnightmares :) So we have been editing the story and making things better. (No drastic changes, there's no need to go re-read it, unless you want to! )  
> BUT this chapter is over 5k words long, I say that makes up for the delay.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy ;)

  
 

Albus groaned in frustration as he fumbled with the buttons on his shirt.  He had woken up with a dreadful headache and the pounding in his head was becoming more prominent by the minute.  
  
"Dear Merlin, this was a mistake," he muttered to himself. Honestly, he had wanted to cancel but couldn’t come up with a decent excuse. He knew he'd never hear the end of it from Rose and Danni, so he'd just have to suck it up. It couldn't be all that bad, could it?  
  
With a deep breath, he reluctantly glanced at the mirror. His hair was all over the place, per usual, and he had bags under his eyes. Currently, he wore a dark green shirt beneath a nicely pressed white button down shirt that he had only just managed to finally finish buttoning after what seemed like hours of toiling. With a final straightening of his shirt collar, he supposed he looked presentable enough for the day.  
  
His heart began to speed up in anticipation as he wondered if Rose had invited other people to go along with them. She was so rarely ever seen without a group of people around her so he was hoping and praying today would be no different. The more people there were, the less attention there would be on him.  
  
He closed his eyes tightly; wishing cousins could have the same telepathy type skills that twins did so Rose would sense something was wrong. But the sudden concentration only made his head pound more.  
  
His heart settled when his mind turned over to Scorpius. He wished he could put into words of how thankful he was for Scorpius, and yes, half of him was doing this to accept the fact that Scorpius would never have feelings for him but the other half was grateful that he would at least be there for him. Scorpius always gave him the confidence he most desperately needed. Except when it came down to Albus’ own feelings for him. Of course, that was a different story.  
  
As if Scorpius knew Albus was thinking of him, the door swung open with a loud creak to reveal the blonde boy. Albus' stomach did somersaults as he saw the small bags under Scorpius eyes and how his hair was bizarrely disheveled.  
  
Albus watched silently as Scorpius walked over towards his own bed with a yawn and grabbed the one cloak which Albus knew to be his favorite. Scorpius' mother had had it custom made for him before she passed three years ago, though it had been a bit big on him for awhile until just recently.  
  
“Aren’t you even going to say hi to me?” Albus asked.  
  
Scorpius jumped at his voice, almost knocking over the pile of books on his nightstand in his little panic.  
  
“S-Sorry.” Scorpius said, still startled as he ran a hand through his silvery blonde hair. “I didn’t even see you there."  
  
Scorpius stared at him for a good minute, making Albus feel slightly awkward as he averted his gaze. Scorpius sighed before finally saying, “Um, you look good.”  
  
Albus could feel himself blush; he quickly turned around so Scorpius couldn’t see.  
  
“So I suppose now I have to go plant the acorn that will grow into an eventual marriage?” Albus laughed mockingly.  
  
“I suppose so,” Scorpius answered quietly, his tone strangely soft.  
  
Albus could sense a twinge of sadness in Scorpius' voice, so he turned around to face his friend again. The blonde was smiling but it was certainly not reflected in his eyes. It felt fake.  
  
“Is everything okay?” Albus asked, grabbing his own cloak.  
  
Scorpius shrugged, “Yeah, everything's just dandy.” He grabbed his pocket watch out of his robes and popped open the cover to view the time. His expression flattened considerably and he cleared his throat. “We should really get going—”  
  
“Are you sure you're alright?” Albus interjected, narrowing his eyes. He could clearly see Scorpius' jaw clench, as he finished with, “You don’t seem yourself.”  
  
“Yes! I'm fine!” Scorpius exclaimed, his words literally ablaze with poorly masked irritation. The flames burned Albus' heart, stunning him into silence for a moment.  
  
By the time Albus had opened his mouth to make a response, Scorpius had already turned on his heel and was halfway out the door. He stopped just outside the room and stiffly said, “Everything is fine, now let’s go.”  
  
“Wait—“ Albus stuttered, jumping from the bed and pulling on his shoes as fast as he could. Running out the door, he scrambled down the hallways of the Slytherin dormitories trying in vain to keep up with Scorpius, who always managed to stay a few steps ahead. Albus definitely had longer legs, but today it seemed like Scorpius just couldn’t get where they were going fast enough.  
  
Something was undeniably wrong and Albus felt a pang in his chest. It wasn’t like Scorpius to keep anything from him. However, Scorpius kept walking briskly with no signs of waiting for his friend. They strode in silence for a moment until a thought came to Albus. He recalled it being odd that Rose had been so casual about the whole deal with inviting Carter.  
  
“Does Rose know, Scorpius? Does she know about me?” Albus asked, hating how small his voice sounded.  
  
His words seemed to make Scorpius stop, giving Albus enough time to finally catch up. A moment later, Scorpius turned to face Albus with his head slightly tilted as if he was having trouble remembering. “Well, I did hear her mention that your Aunt now owes her ten galleons or something like that.”  
  
Albus' mouth dropped, shocked. “Are you kidding me?” He couldn’t believe his family was taking bets on him, well, actually it wasn’t all that surprising. Uncle Ron and James always were daring each other to do something and taking bets over stupid little things. He sighed. “Of course Rose would just assume I was gay I mean—“  
  
“Albus, does it matter? You are who you are and last night proved that Rose doesn’t care either.”  
  
Scorpius' tone had regained the encouraging and optimistic lilt that Albus was so used to hearing from him. It made Albus feel a bit better.  
  
“Yeah, I suppose you're right.” He nodded and walked with Scorpius up the stairs.  
  
He didn’t say anything after that and appeared to be once again in something like a trance. It made Albus worried.  
  
Even on his worst days Scorpius was never liked this.  
  
The two boys picked up a reasonably pace again as they traversed the halls of Hogwarts. It didn’t take them long to get to the exit, and they found Rose outside in the courtyard with Cara and Mia in tow.

_Great,_ Albus thought to himself, _Hogwarts’ biggest gossipers are going to see me make a fool out of myself. Perfect._ _  
_  
“Hi, you two!” Rose yelled cheerfully walking towards them. “Do you guys mind if we meet the others at The Three Broomsticks?”  
  
“Wait—others?” Albus choked, suddenly becoming nervous again. “How many people are we meeting?”  
  
Rose shrugged as she placed her hand into Scorpius’. “Hey, you said you missed hanging out with me.”  
  
Albus started, “I did but—“  
  
“But nothing, let’s go.” Rose ordered. She looked up at Scorpius who had said nothing and frowned. “And what’s wrong with you? Don’t tell me you don’t want to go anymore too?”  
  
Scorpius looked down at her and a small smile finally appeared onto his face. “Of course not, Dear.” He planted a kiss onto her lips and Albus felt that familiar nauseous feeling rise in his gut.    
  
They continued walking towards Hogsmeade and when they reached the gate Rose stopped to whisper something into Scorpius' ear. He nodded at whatever she was saying. She quickly turned around to look at Albus and the groupies that had been trailing awkwardly behind them.  
  
“I need to talk to Albus alone for a few minutes. You three go on ahead okay?” She said, nodding at the girls and Scorpius, the girls gave her a pleading look but obeyed.  
  
Albus’ brain filled with anxiety and his hands became clammy as he peered up at the iron gate that lead into Hogsmeade. The little village had never looked so uninviting.  
  
_What the hell am I doing?_ _  
_  
He looked back at Rose who had an eerily calm smile almost as if she was trying to calm down an angry Hippogriff.  
  
“I know,” she whispered, a slight shimmer of excitement in her voice.  
  
“Congratulations?” Albus retorted, flatly. If she thought she was helping then she was dead wrong.  
  
Before he could say anything else Rose swung her arms around him and gave him a bone crushing hug. He didn’t know what shocked him more, the fact that his cousin had just hugged him or that this was the second time this week that she had been this strong.  
  
“I'm so happy for you!” She squealed as quietly as she could. People started to stare as they walked by and there were a few exchanged whispers that made Albus feel incredibly self-conscious.  
  
“Um, thanks?” he said, gently pushing her off of him. “Did someone hex you?”  
  
She laughed. “No, can't I just be excited for my cousin?”  
  
“I really don’t know what there is to be excited about Rose. I just—“ He swallowed forcefully as Scorpius' face flashed though his mind. “I told you I just wanted to try and spend more time with my family, even you said it yourself, you missed when we were younger, when we were inseparable..."  
  
Rose's face turned from happy to irritated faster than Albus could blink. Stomping her foot, she exclaimed, “Merlin, Albus! Can’t you just admit—“ She stopped herself short and chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t push this on you.” Her brown eyes met his green. “Do you really want to be here Al?”  
  
She had a concerned expression her face. His usually self-absorbed cousin really did want him to be here, last night they had a somewhat heart-to-heart, though it was quick and relatively painless. She had admitted to missing him, they had gone from being cousins to best friends and suddenly to strangers so quickly, and it had hurt her more than he realized. He also admitted to pushing her away because he rejected the idea of popularity, and she had been mean to Scorpius for such a long time. She forgave him, and he forgave her. And now it looked like she was really trying to make things work. Albus couldn’t help but give her a warm smile, knowing it would reassure her.  
  
“Yes Rose, I meant it. I do want to be here and not just for the reason you think.”  
  
She beamed and hooked her arm with his.  Her burst of energy was not helping him in the slightest. She nudged him softly with her shoulder, “Can I just say one little thing?”  
  
Albus sighed, knowing she was going to say it either way. “Sure.”  
  
“Carter's had a crush on you for awhile now, at least when he told me how he really felt last spring. I told him there was no way you could feel the same way or maybe I don’t know, I had my theories at the time, because, well, you're you.”  She looked up at him thoughtfully.  
  
Albus could feel his annoyance for his cousin resurfacing, he gritted his teeth. “I’m so glad I can hide my sexuality so well.”  
  
“I said I wasn’t sure, relax, Al.” She huffed. “But like I was going to say, Carter was thrilled to hear that you were coming today. I told him you asked about him—but no worries.” She added the last bit almost hastily as she must have noticed Albus’ entire face had turned pale pink. “He isn’t going to be pushy or anything, you guys can just talk!”  
  
“You make it sound so easy,” Albus replied, feeling exhausted from the rush of emotions he'd had in the last five minutes.  
  
Rose showed him a reassuring smile. "Come on, then. Everyone's waiting." Adjusting her hold on Albus' arm she started forward at a leisurely pace, and the two cousins fell into silence. But it was the kind of silence that Albus liked, the comfortable and understanding kind...the kind that he hadn't been able to share with his cousin in a very long time. 

 

* * *

**  
**

They reached the Three Broomsticks faster than expected and Albus could already hear the boisterous crowd from where he stood just outside the door. Rose gave one last encouraging squeeze of his arm and opened the door.  
  
The pub was filled with Hogwarts students all sitting at various tables, talking, laughing and drinking rounds of Butter Beer. Toward the back he saw three tables had been pushed together to accommodate Rose’s group of friends. Tawny Clearwater, a Hufflepuff, stood and waved to Rose to signal her to come over. Scorpius was sitting next to her, looking extremely out of place, as always. Cara and Mia were a few seats down, talking to two seventh year Gryffindor boys whose names escaped Albus at that moment. And sitting across from them was Carter, who flashed both Rose and Albus a warm smile as they approached.  
  
“Hi Tawn, Carter.” Rose started with a smile as she took the seat next to Scorpius, leaning across the table a moment later. “So, Carter,” She began, “You know my cousin right? Albus? He decided to come out of his shell today.”  
  
It seemed that the whole table had heard Rose's proclamation and all eyes were now on Albus, who shrunk under the pressure.  
  
He glared at Rose. Of course this was a terrible idea! And this was the proof of it! He looked anxiously at Scorpius who just shrugged his shoulders. So much for giving me confidence, Albus thought with a sigh.  
  
But Carter merely laughed. “So he does talk to other people besides his own House! See, Tawn, you owe me a Butter Beer!” He reached a hand out to shake, and Albus shakily took it, desperately hoping Carter didn’t notice how clammy his hands were.  
  
Carter grinned and firmly grasped Albus' hand. “And they say Gryffindors are the conceited ones.”  
  
“Clearly you haven’t met my brother, then.” Albus retorted as they released their grips on one another. The table erupted into laughter, seemingly causing all of the awkwardness to just melt away. Albus was proud of himself for making the others laugh. All except Scorpius, who merely gave a small smile. Albus' heart lowered slightly back into his chest.  
  
“I’m getting more to drink,” Carter stated, shaking his empty glass. He slid out of his chair and gestured for Albus to take his place, which Albus gratefully accepted since he felt rather uncomfortable standing up.  
  
“So, what can I get you two?” Carter asked, shifting his eyes from Rose to Albus.  
  
“Bubble Juice, please,” Rose replied. She gave Albus a coy smirk.  
  
Albus looked at Carter, nervously meeting his eyes. “I’ll take a Butter Beer but you don’t have to— “  
  
“No,” Carter interjected, placing a hand on Albus’ shoulder. “This one’s on me.” He quickly winked at Albus before he turned towards the bar to go get their drinks. Albus could feel himself blush as he watched Carter strut towards the bar, noticing how broad his shoulders were and how he carried himself so confidently... unlike Scorpius who had a much less self-assured gait.  
  
He looked over at Rose who gave him thumbs up; he could feel the blood rush to his cheeks. Scorpius, on the other hand, was staring off in the direction of the bar, whether he staring at Carter Albus wasn’t yet sure, but his expression seemed strangely rigid.  
  
Albus listened as Rose and Tawny mingled among themselves, he tried to get Scorpius' attention but he continued to keep one arm loosely around Rose’s shoulders and his other free hand grasped around his glass. No matter what Albus did, Scorpius still refused to look over.  
  
When Carter came back with the drinks he handed Albus his and grabbed a chair from behind him, sitting down across from Albus. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Rose and Tawny scoot down to give them more room.  
  
Carter turned his gaze over to Albus, the color of his eyes as dazzling as he was, and Albus felt his body tense up. He did his best to smile and thanked Carter for the drink. They sat there in silence for a brief moment.  
  
“Is this weird?” Carter finally asked, laughing. Albus felt his body relax at the sound of his laugh. “Because it feels a little weird.”  
  
Albus rubbed the back of his neck aimlessly, “It is, I’m sorry, it’s me I—“  
  
“You don’t need to explain,” Carter stated, “I was there, too, and actually it’s still kind of new for me.”  
  
Albus traced the rim of his glass with his finger. “It’s just that, I’ve never...” He lowered his voice as he saw Tawny attempt to look over at them discreetly. “I never talked to anyone about it before or even been with anybody…”  
  
He nervously peeked over in the other three’s direction, but Rose and Tawny were deep into their own discussion but he caught Scorpius side-eyeing Carter before looking away hurriedly.  
  
Carter grinned at Albus and shrugged. “Well, I’m here if you want to talk about anything, you know, if you need a friend.”  
  
Albus stomach did another somersault and he tightened his grip on the Butter Beer. “Um, Thanks.”  
  
Carter glanced around the room, then lowered his voice and leaned closer to Albus. “If it means anything, I think you’re cute when you’re nervous—"  
  
The table suddenly rattled and there was an earsplitting screech as someone abruptly stood up. Albus clutched at his drink to keep it from spilling and looked over in the direction of the others, surprised to see that the person who had stood was Scorpius. His fists were clenched and his jaw was set, he looked about ready to punch something, and Scorpius never looked violent. Ever.  
  
Albus was about ready to ask what was wrong but Rose beat him to it. "Scorpius what—"  
  
“I’ll be right back.” Scorpius snapped, abruptly turning on his heel and stalking away briskly.  
  
Rose shook her head and looked down to Albus and Carter, mouthing something that looked like "sorry."  
  
“Wow. What’s his deal?” Tawny asked, staring off in the direction Scorpius had gone.  
  
“No idea. He’s been moody since yesterday.” Rose sighed and bit her lip, shooting a glance after Scorpius, who had now disappeared out of sight.  
  
Albus could tell that she was just as worried as he was.  
  
It took a lot of effort to turn back to Carter and not run after Scorpius, but he didn’t want to be rude. Besides, Carter had just called him cute and Albus couldn’t help but allow himself to smile.  
  
"So, where were we?" Albus asked with a coy smile as he turned back to his new friend.  


* * *

 

Scorpius deftly maneuvered himself around the tables of the pub, desperately searching for some sort of escape. He needed to be alone—perhaps the bathroom would do, for now.  
  
At this point, his hands were trembling like mad and he could feel a large lump rising in his throat. Clenching his jaw and chewing on his lip, he held back the storm of emotion threatening his resolve. He'd be damned before he cried in front of all his schoolmates.  
  
He made his way down the dark hallway to the cramped single-stall bathroom and locked himself in. With a great heaving sigh, he slammed his hands onto either side of the porcelain sink and leaned his entire body weight forward, thankful for the support that the appliance was giving him at the moment.  
  
Slowly, he looked up into the time-worn mirror on the wall above the sink, gazing deep into the tired eyes of the boy staring back at him.  
  
_Is that... really me?_ _  
_  
Scorpius squinted. The boy in the mirror had dark bags under his eyes as though he hadn't slept well and his cheeks were flushed with some sort of dangerous passion... all in all, he looked awful. Frowning, Scorpius ran a hand through his hair and turned his attention back to the stained sink basin between his hands, hoping the blandness would calm his pounding heart.  
  
It was true, he hadn't slept well at all last night, his dreams had been punctuated with images of Albus in Quidditch robes...or laying in the damp grass after the rain...and then it would change to Albus pushing Scorpius up against a tree and the blonde wouldn't mind one bit... and then Albus would lean closer—  
  
Scorpius groaned, gripping the already flimsy sink so hard he was sure it would break under  the pressure.  
  
In his head, he knew that he shouldn’t be having these thoughts about his best friend—the person who he had confided so much in—the person that made him laugh harder than anyone ever could. Albus was his best friend and that was it, nothing more would ever come of that. And Scorpius knew it was right because it was what his brain told him.  
  
But in his heart... well, he wasn't entirely sure what he knew in his heart anymore.  
  
Swaying on his feet, he moved from the sink to leaning up against the wall. His shoulder connected roughly with the old wood and he winced as he slid downward until he was slouched at the base of the bathroom wall with his robes dragging all over the filthy floor.  
  
He was momentarily transfixed by a small puddle on the floor, and it reminded him of the rain. Rain. It was raining just the other day. Quidditch was in the rain... Albus was soaked to the bone, too...  
  
_Stop!_ _  
_  
He tore his eyes from the floor and searched the room in blind desperation for something—anything to focus on. Anything that wouldn't remind him of his best friend.  
  
In his momentary panic, his fingers had idly found their way to the right sleeve of his cloak and began to trace the initials that his mother had embroidered for him. it was one of the things she had done for him before she passed. Feeling the letters made him feel close to her, as she hand stitched the letters herself, with her own frail fingers. Whenever he was nervous before a big test or scared of something...his hands always managed to locate the threaded letters and the mere feel of them calmed him down almost instantly...  
  
The lump in his throat had grown bigger as he suppressed a sob.  
  
_What would she think of all this? Would she be angry?_ _  
_  
He recalled asking her once when she and his Father had gotten into a fight and he had asked her if they still loved each other.  
  
“Of course my love,” she had answered with a simple smile, and it was followed by, “One day you'll understand when you meet a girl you love.”  
  
“See, a girl,” he whispered to the empty room. Not a boy. Not Albus. A girl. Rose.  
  
He wiped his blurry eyes and took a shaky breath.  
  
That’s how it was supposed to be. He shouldn’t be having these feelings. His father would be furious—it would mean the end of the Malfoy line. He couldn’t do that to his father, he had worked too hard to reshape the Malfoy image for it to suddenly end.  
  
Scorpius was with Rose, she made him just as happy as Albus did, and sure, she could be overbearing but Albus had his moods, too, no doubt. Sure, his father was just thrilled that he was dating a Granger-Weasley but Scorpius knew deep down that his father would be even more disappointed if he brought home a boy. It was still hard to talk about the fact that Albus was his best friend.  
  
That was it. That was all they ever could be. Friends. Anything else would cause too many complications.  
  
He stood up and dusted himself off, frowning at the grimy state of his robes. They would need to be cleaned for sure.  
  
A sudden knock on the door startled him and a voice softly whispered, “Hey, Scorpius? You in there?”  
  
It was Rose. He would know that voice anywhere.  
  
He quickly tried to regain his composure and despite the slight crack in his voice he managed to reply, "Y-Yeah."  
  
Scorpius had barely managed to unlock the door and before he could turn the knob himself Rose had already opened the door and barged her way in.  
  
“Why are you—?” She cut herself off when she saw his face and all traces of irritation washed away in an instant.  She grabbed his hand carefully and calmly asked, “What happened?”  
  
He gave her his best fake smile. “Nothing, I’m fine.”  
  
She looked at him wearily for a few moments and Scorpius was happy that she didn’t press any further.  
  
“Fine. Then come with me,” she said with an abrupt tug on his hand.

  
Rose began to literally drag him out of the bathroom where a line of people waiting for the bathroom shot him a barrage of annoyed glances. She pulled him farther down the hallway and into a small alcove in the very back of the Pub, pushing him against the wall as hard as she possibly could and pushed her lips firmly on his. He kissed her back just as hard and wrapped his arms around her waist.  
  
He wanted to enjoy the secluded moment more than anything, but he honestly couldn’t. For the first time her body felt too soft against his, her lips were too plush, her eyes were too brown. His heart began to pound, but not in the way he wanted it to. His hands began to tremble and his lungs refused to expand. Panicking, he pushed her back but maybe with a little too much force because she stumbled backward with a tense exclamation.  
  
“What the hell, Scorpius!” She gasped, trying to regain her balance.  
  
Scorpius tried his best to steady his breathing but instead choked out the words. “I’m sorry, I just I needed to stop.” He said panting, the tightness was becoming unbearable, and it was hard to look at her.  
  
“So you pushed me?” Rose snapped, putting her hands on her hips. The expression on her face was a mixture of confusion and anger. “If you didn’t want to then why didn’t you just—“  
  
Scorpius let out an aggravated sigh, still panting. “I’m sorry okay? I didn’t want to get ahead of myself.”  
  
He knew he was lying, but he couldn’t tell her the truth, but the deepest part of his heart knew exactly what was going on.  
  
“Let’s go find Albus and Carter,” he finally said, most of his composure was back but the tightness within his chest was not dissipating.  
  
“They’re gone,” Rose replied, taking a moment to fuss over her hair. “They left to go somewhere, that’s when I came looking for you.”  
  
That’s when the tension in his chest erupted, it felt as if a creature was ripping his body open, screaming internally with rage, he had to get out of there or he might try to break something, everything felt out of his control.  
  
“Sorry,” he muttered, trying in vain to keep his voice from sounding too shaky. “I... have to go.” Before Rose could object, he turned on his heel and bolted for the exit, dodging tables on the way, his eyes set on one thing: the door.  
  
He ignored Rose's plea to come back.  
  
****

* * *

**  
**

Scorpius wasn’t exactly sure how long he had been staring at the green canopy of his four-poster bed. Minutes, hours, it was all melting together and he didn’t care enough to worry about it.  
  
He heard Goyle and Davis come into the dorms, one of them mentioned dinner to him but he didn’t respond, he couldn’t move and he could barely get any words out. He had never felt more betrayed by his own mind in his life.  
  
_How was it even possible? How can my head suddenly be filled with so much sadness, confusion, and anger? And why?_ _  
_  
_And all for just one person?_ _  
_  
He shut his eyes tightly, every method to clear his mind that he had tried wasn’t working. He couldn’t get rid of all the images his imagination created of Albus and Carter. Being together…Carter calling him cute…Albus was not just cute he was—  
  
_No!_ _  
_  
“No,” he whispered to himself, hoping that if he said it out loud then his heart would listen. He needed to bury these thoughts, bury them so deep that they would never surface again.

**  
** He heard the door open and in his peripheral vision he saw his raven-haired roommate step into the room. His heart soared and ripped in two at the same time. His head throbbed and his chest was some strange combination of feeling lighter than air but being totally unable to fly.  
  
Ignoring the inner turmoil of feelings, he sat up slowly and turned towards Albus, who was peering over at him with poorly masked apprehension. His face was slightly flushed and Scorpius hoped it was because of the wind. His stomach lurched as Albus spoke.  
  
“So, are you going to tell me why you just ran off like that?” he asked, arms folded, leaning against the pillar near his own bed. The light from the lake cast slight greenish bars of light onto his face, making his eyes stand out above everything. They glowed enticingly. Scorpius felt his heart swell involuntary at the mere sight of it, and out of fear of Albus noticing something was wrong, he brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.  
  
“It was nothing,” he started, ripping his eyes away from Albus’. “I just wasn’t feeling well.”  
  
“You can’t lie to me, Scorpius. I know you better than that.”  
  
_I know I can’t._ He wanted to say but he couldn’t manage to get the words out, seeing as how the lump in his throat had returned.  
  
He could feel Albus’ eyes on him. He was expecting a response. It was normal for Scorpius to always have a response to everything.  
  
_But who am I kidding What even is normal anymore?_ He wondered, because he sure didn’t feel like he was.  
  
“How was your date?” He managed to get out, knowing damn well he didn’t want to know the answer.  
  
“It wasn’t a date.” Albus retorted. “We just talked, and that’s it really.”  
  
Scorpius huffed and averted his eyes, setting his chin atop his knees. “Yeah, okay.”  
  
“What the hell is your problem?”  
  
Scorpius could hear the aggravation in Albus’ voice and it made him flinch. Albus now stood no more than a foot away from the edge of Scorpius' bed. The blonde's face felt hot and he could hear his blood pulsing in his ears.  
  
“I don’t have one,” he protested. “But... don’t you feel like you're rushing things?”  
  
Albus scowled and snapped, “Rushing things? We didn’t do anything, we just talked. I can tell him things—“  
  
“You can tell me things.” Scorpius replied, trying to push down the anger rising in his chest. “You can tell me anything. I'm....” Scorpius trailed off as he realized what he had been about to say. I'm your best friend. It was true, he logically couldn't deny it, but something deep within was still telling him otherwise.  
  
“No,” Albus emphasized, running his hand through his hair. “I can’t, Scorpius, it’s different, this—“ He motioned to the space between himself and Scorpius. “It's different.”  
  
The two boys stared each other down. Neither said a word, each just boring his eyes into the other. Scorpius could feel his heart rate elevate as Albus continued to stare him down. It was taking every fiber in his being to not to get up out of his bed and—  
  
His thoughts were interrupted when Albus finally said, “Why do you care if I rush things with Carter or not?” His voice was oddly calm, and Scorpius could hear a slight twinge of sadness in his tone.  
  
Scorpius swallowed the lump in his throat to the best of his abilities, and mustered up the best lie he could think of. But, in reality, it wasn’t entirely a lie because he still had the inevitable urge to punch Carter and he would kill whoever harmed his best friend.  
  
“Because I don’t want to see you get hurt.” He tried to put much more meaning behind the words but he would never know if Albus could read such a hidden message. Maybe he didn't want him to. After all, it would only add more complications...right?  
  
Albus' face softened considerably but his lips were still tightly pressed together. “Then be my best friend and be there for if it happens, like I would for you.” He took a breath, slowly. “But for now, be happy for me. Because that’s what best friends do.”  
  
He turned briskly and began to walk out the dormitory, leaving Scorpius frozen in his spot. The blonde felt as if his heart would explode from the hundreds, no, thousands of emotions pumping through it.  
  
Albus stopped in the doorway and glanced back one more time. Scorpius nodded slightly in affirmation, and now, seemingly satisfied, Albus nodded as well before leaving Scorpius alone with his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "No one said it would be easy...no one said it would be this hard..."
> 
> Did this chapter hit you in the feels? I hope so :) Please leave a review and let me know what you think! :D


	6. Grey Areas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Loving you is the most exquisite form of self destruction."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you all can see, I changed the rating of this story to M. Based off of some things that go on this chapter, I figured it would be better to safe than sorry.  
> With that being said, nothing will happen for while however, again I just wanted to be safe.  
> Hope you enjoy!  
> Thank you to my brilliant beta closetnightmares!! She really helps pull this story together.

The past few weeks had flown by in a whirlwind for Albus. So many things felt different and, for once, it was a good kind of different. Except for the fact that Scorpius had barely spoken a word to him. It was worse than last year when Scorpius first started to date Rose, they would make small talk but Scorpius would cut him short or make some excuse as to why they couldn't be in the same room.

Albus knew something was wrong and every time he pressed his friend for information Scorpius would just shut down and block him out. It hurt Albus to see his best friend this way; Scorpius was supposed to be the optimistic one, the glimmer of happiness that Albus needed when he was in his brooding moods. Now there was some dark cloud hanging over Scorpius and Albus desperately wanted to help Scorpius be Scorpius again.

Rose had noticed the shift in Scorpius' personality as well. They fought a lot more and he would shut out Rose whenever she would ask what his deal was.

“I’m tired.” Or something like, “My workload is stressing me out.”

They were his two main excuses that were used on Albus and Rose, both carrying the same expression of hopelessness.

“I wish he would just talk to one of us!” Rose exclaimed one morning at the Gryffindor table. She was stabbing at her porridge as they were contemplating once again exactly what was wrong with Scorpius.

“Maybe you’re too bossy.” Rose’s little brother, Hugo, said, indiscreetly not looking up from his Runes essay, “Maybe he’s gotten tired of it.”

Rose dropped her spoon into glared back at Hugo. “Are you talking about Scorpius or yourself Hugo?”

Hugo gave his sister a smirk “I’m just saying you should maybe chill out every once in awhile.”

 

“I am chill.” Rose grumbled, returning back to stabbing at her porridge.

“You know,” Clara said softly enough so only Rose and Albus could hear. “Maybe he is frustrated, but not with you being intolerable.”

Albus raised his eyebrows. Intolerable was a pretty big word for Clara to use but he continued to listen, slightly intrigued.

Rose turned her head towards Clara, her brow furrowed. “What do you mean he’s frustrated, Clara?”

“Because he’s a guy.” She huffed exasperatedly, rolling her eyes like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “They have needs.”

Albus suddenly felt the room become very hot, this was not something he wanted to talk about with his cousin. Ever. Especially when it came to Scorpius. He tried to start talking to Hugo instead but the younger boy have heard them and bolted before he got roped into it. Albus turned back to his half-eaten toast, praying that they wouldn't consult him on this subject.

Rose looked just as flustered. “He--he shouldn’t be!” she stammered, brushing her hair out of her face. Her face red as ever. “We’ve done plenty.”

Albus stomach lurched when she said that. What exactly was plenty? Why had Scorpius never told me? Why am I suddenly so curious? Well, she is my cousin, after all.

Another voice in his head piped up, immediately negating his other thoughts. But this is about Scorpius too, and you know damn well you’ve thought about Scorpius that way.

Albus shifted uncomfortably in his seat, pushing those thoughts back into the very depths of his mind where had to stay hidden.

Clara popped a grape in her mouth and shrugged. “I’m just saying Rose. Guys have the attention span of a troll, even Scorpius!”

Albus’ mouth gaped open, wanting to defend Scorpius for Clara’s shortsighted view of men but Rose faced him a pleading look upon her face.

“Albus,” she hissed, “Has he… has he ever said anything you?”

Albus’ ears turned a hot red. “No!” he hissed back. “We… we never talked about that stuff… besides, you're my cousin that would be weird.” He had to fight the thought of Scorpius running his hands along Rose’s back and kissing her heatedly, the mere thought made his skin crawl. Besides, he should be thinking that way about Carter but he knew from the slight tightening of his pants that all those thoughts had to be set aside for now.

“Besides,” he continued, noticing how Rose’s bottom lip was starting to tremble, “That can’t be the reason, he’s not talking to me either remember?”

Rose nodded slowly, Albus saw the sadness in her eyes and knew she wasn’t convinced. They left to go off to their Charms period in silence. As they began to turn the corridor to the classroom Albus threw his arm around his cousin.

“Look, I really don’t think Scorpius is that kind of guy, actually I know he isn’t,” he whispered. “He respects you way too much.”

Rose looked directly at him, they were the same height now so they were always looking straight at each other when they talked. “You think so?”

Albus gave her a reassuring smile. “I know so.”

She gave Albus a quick one arm hug. “Thank you.” They got to the doorway of the classroom, finding that Scorpius and Carter had already taken their seats and each had reserved a spot next to them for Rose and Albus.

“You both seem really happy Al, you and Carter, I mean.” Rose said.

“Yeah,” Albus replied, smiling at Carter as they walked in. His eyes drifted to Scorpius for a moment, their eyes meeting. Albus' heart did a flip as the blonde gave him a small smile as well. Albus made a promise to himself then and there that he would figure out what was wrong with Scorpius and bring him out of his funk, but for now, he went to go sit next to Carter.

“Hey, you." Carter said in a low voice, pulling out Albus' chair for him.

“Same to you.” Albus said with a smile as he sat down.

His eyes darted quickly around the room to see if anyone noticed the gesture, but the only person that was paying any attention was Danni, who gave him a wink. Before his blush could get any more vivid he turned to face the blackboard.

He felt Carter’s knee touch his own along with a pair of eyes that he could feel on him sporadically.

He looked back up when he felt eyes on him again towards the end of class. They weren’t Carter’s soft brown eyes to his left.

It was the grey ones to his right.

 

* * *

 

 

Scorpius was sitting in the comfiest chair in the very back of the library, a pile of parchment and his copy of Transfiguration: The Advanced Theory in front of him. The quiet of the library gave him of sense of inner peace and the complicated essay in front of him was keeping him distracted from his thoughts.

The first Quidditch match of the year, Slytherin vs Hufflepuff, was tomorrow and he had promised Rose—and Albus, that he would go. He wasn’t particularly looking forward to it, since he was going to have to sit with not only Rose, but Carter. Perfect, pompous Carter. Irritation flared in his chest, and it confused him. He wasn't the type to hate without reason. After all those years of being called ”Voldemort's Son” he knew better to just assume the worst about someone.

But in reality, he couldn’t help it. The past few weeks his body felt like it was being torn into two pieces, as his head and heart were currently floating in some type of grey area of right and wrong. He didn't know what to believe anymore. Every time he was around Rose or Albus alone his rationality of mind over heart seemed to be stretched terribly thin, and when he was with Rose and Albus together it felt as if he would just explode from the stress of putting on two fronts at once.

As much he tried to ignore his ever growing feelings for Albus it became more and more difficult every time he saw Albus and Carter together. He noticed how close they sat next to each other, and how Carter carried Albus' books for him to class that one time…

I could do that, I could do that for him. He thought angrily to himself, but he knew he couldn’t, he couldn’t tell Albus how he felt, he had to suppress them, it was better this way for everyone, he couldn’t disappoint anyone this way.

 

He knew Rose wanted more out of the relationship, the kissing after every class, in any deserted classroom or closet she could find, and as much as he wanted his body to want it, something didn’t feel right about her lips anymore, or her body against his, it didn’t feel natural. And it made him feel weird, like something wasn’t right with him. She was Rose freaking Granger-Weasley any guy would be thrilled to have her touching him the way she did…

He slammed his quill down on his parchment in frustration, leaving a large ink splatter across the page. The words were all beginning to blend together and his head hurt.

He heard footsteps from coming around the corner he gathered his things quickly so he could leave but the footsteps had made it to where he was standing. It was Danni.

“Oh, hey Scorpius, fancy seeing you here,” she said breathlessly, plopping on the sofa in front of him and he stared at her pointedly, annoyed that she had ambushed his favorite hiding spot.

“I’m always in the Library, Danni,” he muttered, reopening his book, supposing that he was going to have to stay put for a bit longer.

“Sarcasm, Scorpius,” she said, dismissing him with her hand. She opened her own book. “But since you’re here can you help me understand this essay for Trans? You look like your further than me.”

“Uh, yeah sure. Let me see what you have.” Scorpius leaned forward to see her essay. “Wait. You've... written nothing? You know we've had two weeks to work on this?”

“Yes I do.” Danni rolled her eyes. “But every time I try to ask you for help you run off somewhere, so I figured I would just have to find you here. Albus always said when you're anxious you come back here.”

Yeah that’s me, the forever anxious Scorpius. He thought exasperatedly.

“Yeah… well, Albus would know that about me,” he muttered, trying to push his friend’s green eyes out of his mind for just one second.

“Yeah, so what’s going on with you guys?” Danni asked, casually turning the page of the textbook. “He seems pretty worried about you… and well, you're being more strange than normal.”

Scorpius gulped. It made him happy to hear that Albus was so worried about him, but his heart felt weighted down. It wasn't his goal to burden his best friend. He should be happy with Carter and focusing on him instead.

He shrugged. “Nothing, this year's just been rough.”

“Are you and Rose fighting?” Danni inquired.

“Yes,” he began to say, rubbing his eyes. “No. Oh, I don’t know.” He leaned his head  
against the stone wall; he could feel Danni’s eyes on him, waiting for him to explain. Scorpius chewed the bottom of his lip, fighting for the right words. His chest felt heavy.

Just talk, the voice in his head ordered. Maybe it will help to talk.

“How—“He shook his head, aggravated, when did words become so difficult? “What do you do when you are with someone but you—“ He inhaled slowly, the following words carrying more weight than he had thought they would. “... May have feelings for someone else?”

Danni stared at him inquisitively, but there was no real judgment in her eyes. “Does this someone else know?” she asked.

Scorpius shook his head, “No, h—they are with someone else as well.” He swallowed tensely, hoping she hadn't heard his near slip-up.

Danni nodded, “Uh huh, and is the person they're with half-way decent?”

The image of Carter pulling out Albus’ chair earlier that day and how he carried Albus’ books ran through Scorpius' head as he clenched his teeth. “Yes.”

“That’s rough.“ Danni cringed with a sharp exhale.

“Thanks, I've realized that,” Scorpius snapped, rolling his eyes. Didn’t Albus say she was helpful?

Danni let out a small chuckle, ignoring Scorpius’ irritated glares. “Sorry, I’m just trying to understand the situation a bit more, does the person you have feelings for know how you feel?”

The barbwire on his heart tightened a bit more and Scorpius let out a weak, “No.” He then ran both his hands through his hair, pulling at the strands in frustration. “I don’t even know what I'm feeling honestly, everything is so damn confusing, I’m so angry when I see him but at the same time—“

“Him?” Danni interrupted, her eyes wide. “This person is a him?”

Scorpius mentally kicked himself, how did he let that one slip?

He nodded slowly, choosing his next words carefully. “Yes.” Was all he could get out and he looked over at Danni, who was no longer staring at him, but was staring at the wall, intently with a slight twinkle in her eye, her mouth partly opened.

“I don’t know if I am gay or what.” Scorpius finally said after an awkward moment of silence, “It’s just he’s…” Scorpius swallowed the lump developing in his throat and knew there was no turning back. “He's my best friend! I shouldn’t be thinking like this, he’s my best friend for Merlin’s sake!”

Danni smiled sadly at him, Scorpius didn’t need to tell her who it was, and he had given her all the information she needed, “Sometimes our hearts throw us for a loop.”  
“I want to be with Rose.” Scorpius stammered, shaking his head, “I want to be with Rose and I want to be best friends with Albus. That’s it. I-I want it to be simple again.”

“It will never be that simple.” Danni replied, “You’re lying to yourself if think this will ever be simple.”

“Why not?”

Danni rolled her eyes. “Because I’ve been there, too. Your head and your heart are going to argue until you go absolutely mental. You have to admit your feelings or you'll be wondering “what if” the rest of your life or someone is going to get hurt. It could be you, Albus, or Rose. Who knows. Or you can live your life always wondering and slowly torturing yourself, like you’re doing right now."

“Both of those options sound horrible.” Scorpius groaned, he wanted it all desperately to go away, the fluttering whenever Albus talked to him now, and the strange uneasiness he felt around Rose. In the back of his mind he knew he was already hurting the both of them and indirectly pushing them away. They cared about him and they both meant the world to him. He loved them.

Loved.

Did he love Rose? He wanted to, and since he had been with her for almost a year now it only seemed right. She was smart, funny, beautiful…

Did he love Albus? He was his best friend—his person. He made everything okay when it wasn’t, and he was everything a best friend should be. He couldn’t imagine a life without Albus Potter in it.

His breath caught in his throat. Was that what love is? Not being able to live without somebody? Did it matter that Albus was a guy and not a girl? His friend being a girl is what would make this so much easier, isn't it?

No. Scorpius said to himself, because he wouldn’t want Albus to be anybody else but the person he was right now.

Any way he looked at it, someone was going to get hurt, and it would be his fault.

He came out of these thoughts to see Danni looking at him with pity, and it made him feel uneasy.

“There’s not a third choice...” he started, poking at the chipped wood of the table before looking straight into Danni’s eyes, “is there?”

Danni shrugged. “You could transfer.”

Scorpius snorted. “I’ve already considered it.” He studied Danni for a moment, realizing something. “You didn’t seem surprised when I said it was Albus. Why?”

Danni chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before answering, “I just had a feeling.”

Scorpius nodded, not entirely convinced that she was telling the truth, “He’s with Cater though.” The words burned in his throat. “I don’t even know what the point is, he seems pretty happy, I can’t mess that up for him.” He put his head in his hands. He, Scorpius Malfoy, was with Rose. Albus Potter was with Carter.

And that’s how things should be. He thought to himself.

However, there was no point in denying that whatever he felt for his friend was far more than friendly. But if Albus was happy who was he to ruin that? Some friend he was for just thinking such a thing.

Danni reached over and grabbed his arm, causing him to look back at up at her, he couldn’t read her face, her expression an odd mixture of pity and amazement.

“Everyone deserves happiness Scorpius.” She smiled warmly at him. “Even if the path to happiness is riddled with heartbreak.”

Scorpius frowned. “I don’t feel like I deserve happiness right now.”

“You do, I just said everyone deserves happiness, weren’t you listening?”

“Do you think I am a bad person?”

“No,” Danni replied firmly, giving his arm a squeeze. “I get it.”

Scorpius bit his lip, he could feel tears welling up in his eyes he tried to keep his voice steady, “You—you said that you’ve been there, what did you mean by that?”

Danni sighed, removing her hand from his arm and tucked her hair back behind her ear; Scorpius had never seen Danni look so tense.

“So, Goyle and I—“

“Goyle?” Scorpius exclaimed. Danni tried to shush him but he ignored her. “Goyle?”

Danni huffed impatiently, “Yes, Goyle, we had a thing last summer...”

“But... isn't he with Rachel?”

“Not during the summer!” Danni explained, raising her hands in defense. “It only lasted for a couple months, he was upset that Rachel broke up with him, why, I don’t know, breathing the wrong way or something like that. He was upset and Marcus was passed out on the train. So we kissed and—“

“But he’s back with Rachel…”

“Thank you, I realize that.” Danni mumbled, crossing her arms and sitting back into the sofa. “He ended things right before school.” She stopped talking and Scorpius noticed her usually sharp features had softened. He started panicking, not wanting her to cry.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” he whispered.

She shook her head, “No, it's good to talk about it. Anyways, he told me he would always have feelings for me, but Rachel was his now and I could be his future.” She had a grimace on her face while saying the words.

“When did Christopher Goyle become so poetic?”

“You would be surprised…” she said, breathlessly. “He just wants to fool around, I can respect that, I'd rather have him be honest with me than keep dragging me along. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt though, to see them so happy.”

Scorpius pondered over her words for a moment, taking it all in.

“The point is, Scorpius, your mind is going to tell you a million things, what you should do, what you shouldn’t do, how you should feel or shouldn’t feel, but your heart is quietly trying to tell you what you really want, what you really need. It's just that us humans sometimes don’t know how to shut up our minds and listen.”

Scorpius heart sank into his stomach, he knew what his heart was trying to tell him, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to listen to it. Or maybe he already thought it was too late.

“Are you going to sit around and wait for him?” he finally asked.

Danni scowled. “Of course I’m not!” She shook her head. “I’m going to live my life, there’s no point in moping. Do I think he’s being a git? Yes, but right now he’s Rachel’s problem. Not mine.”

Scorpius smiled. “It still bothers you, I can tell.”

She dropped her shoulders. “Of course it does. but I’m not going to let it bring me down, besides I am teaching myself to be just natural with Christopher, being yourself with the person you like is both the hardest and easiest thing you’ll ever do.“

With her words, Scorpius' heart began to feel lighter. Maybe he could try to be his normal self around Albus still. He missed Albus dearly. Albus was his person and Scorpius needed him in more ways than one. It would be hard, he knew that for sure, but maybe it would be the only way to come to terms to what he was feeling, and to accept the fact that he and Albus could be nothing more than friends, for now and maybe forever. It was going to hurt, but Scorpius had definitely felt worse pain.

He and Danni continued to work on their essays together—well, it was mainly Scorpius helping Danni on hers, until they eventually got kicked out.

Scorpius' mind was racing as they walked back to their dorms. He remembered how Danni just knew he was talking about Albus. But how? Did she catch him staring? He tried to bring it again but she dismissed it, saying again she just had a “feeling”.

They said their goodbyes as he walked up to the boys' dorms entrance. However, before he had even passed the threshold, Danni grabbed his arm affectionately. “Let things be as they are Scorpius,” she said, an encouraging smile etched upon her face. “And everything will fall into place.”

He nodded gratefully back at her and they both said their good-nights, for real this time.

When he entered the room, everyone was asleep, including Albus, whose covers were kicked off his bed. Scorpius noticed he was shivering ever so slightly. With a shake of his head, he smiled down at the raven-haired boy. He looked so peaceful and, well, he looked beautiful.

He thought his best friend, Albus Potter, was beautiful and it pained him to come to terms with it, because he could never tell Albus, never tell him that he wanted so badly to crawl in next to him…

He snapped out of those thoughts.

Suppress them, Scorpius, he told himself, Suppress them for your own sanity.

He picked up the duvet cover and threw it gently onto Albus, who instantly quit trembling and fell back into peaceful slumber.

Scorpius got into his own bed and allowed himself to drift onto his own world, a world where it was acceptable to think of Albus the way he wanted to think of him. But he still half-wished his Father would teach him Occlumency so he could just turn off this inner chaos once and for all.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The crowd was still cheering all around Albus as Slytherin had beaten Hufflepuff in the first game of the year.

As everyone began to clear out Smythe ordered a team huddle because winning simply was not enough for him. While listening to Smythe and what they could have done better on, Albus noticed out of the corner of his eye that Carter was walking down the bleachers towards the inside of the pitch. His stomach did a flip and he felt Danni nudge him in the side.

Carter was standing now behind the bleachers, only half of his body visible, but Albus could see his eyes on him. He waited until Smythe had dismissed the group to the showers, and began to walk with the rest of the team before waiting behind everyone until they all entered the showers. He turned his direction towards Carter, He took one last glance to make sure no one else was around before he too slipped behind the wooden bleachers. He looked back at Carter who was smiling with his crooked grin; Albus stomach began to flutter as he smiled timidly back at him.

“Hey you.”

“Right back at you,” Carter whispered, pulling him into a hug. He smelled very strong of amber and Albus took his scent in for a moment before they broke apart.

“You played amazingly today.” Carter said. He grazed his finger ever so slightly on the hem of Albus’ sleeve.

Albus blushed and rubbed his neck nervously, “Thanks, I didn’t do much though, Darcy really—“

“You really don’t give yourself enough credit, Albus.” Carter laughed, extending a hand which Albus took in his own two clammy hands.

Carter took the moment to pull Albus closer to him, their faces inches apart. Albus could feel his heart speed up rapidly. They have never been this close before. He then became self-conscious of how he looked and probably smelled. “I really should take a shower,” Albus said, wrinkling his nose, ashamed that he was probably ruining a moment. "I probably smell like arse.”

Carter smiled. “No you don’t.” He snaked his arm around Albus' waist. “You look really, really hot right now.”

Albus opened his mouth to speak but Carter’s mouth closed in on Albus but their foreheads bumped together and they both backed away. Albus looked up at Carter, completely mortified. He always knew his refusal for taking a compliment would get him in trouble one day.

To make things worse, Carter stifled a laugh. Albus could feel the heat rising in his cheeks he tried to look anywhere but at Carter.

“Well, that’s not how it went in my head exactly.” He heard Carter chuckle. He looked back up at Carter, relieved he wasn’t angry with him.

“I’m sorry,” Albus began, rubbing his neck, which was now beaded with sweat. “I don’t take compliments well.”

“Clearly.” Carter said, placing Albus’ hand into his. Albus realized that Carter’s hands were slightly sweaty as well. He was relieved that Carter was just as nervous as he was but it still did not lessen the pounding of his heart. He glanced up at Carter's lips, for the first time seeing how plump the bottom one was compared to the upper, his heart rose into his throat as he thought of something to say.

“We can try it again, if you want, but I can’t promise no head bumping.” He curled his lips into a smirk, praying he looked somewhat attractive in that moment.

Carter’s eyes lit up and he wrapped both his arms around Albus’ waist and Albus placed his hands on Carter’s arms. Carter may not play Quidditch but Albus could feel the flexed, toned muscles of Carter's arms under his hands and in that moment, he wouldn’t have been surprised if his heart had burst out of his chest.

Carter pulled him closer, and this time, with their noses awkwardly rubbing against each other, their lips met.

It was a short kiss, nothing spectacular but it was what Albus always thought his first kiss would be, although he would never admit that to anyone. Carter’s lips felt good on his, but as fleeting as the kiss was, Albus' heart sank ever so slightly when a quick reminder raced through his head as the broke apart.

He remembered Scorpius' eyes, those blue-grey eyes that pierced his bones every time he looked at him, his goofy smile that did not match his profound features, and most of all, how Scorpius' lips made the most exquisite heart shape.

He cursed himself for thinking of Scorpius in this moment, a moment that was suppose his and Carter's, but here he was thinking of Scorpius' lips versus Carter's. He took a deep breath, burying those thoughts deep where they now belonged because now it was about Carter. Not Scorpius Malfoy.

He smiled up at Carter who was beaming back, he entwined his hand back into Carter's, and peeked out onto the Quidditch Pitch to check for stragglers but found no one.

“Well,” he said eagerly, “Want to go on walk? I’m sure we can find somewhere uh, a little more private.”

Carter nodded, “I’d like that.” They let go of their hands but walked close, sneaking out the exit of the Quidditch pitch that took people in the direction of the Black Lake.

Both were aching to have more “private time.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Rose and Scorpius were walking hand and hand along the edge of the Black Lake, enjoying the quiet after the thrilling Quidditch match they had watched earlier.

For Scorpius, as much as he enjoyed watching Albus play for more reasons than he cared to admit, he had to sit next to Carter who kept on asking things about Albus and what he should do on their first date. Scorpius’ blood couldn’t help but boil every time he heard Albus’ name on Carter’s lips his chest growling in annoyance for the guy.

Of course, I know what you should do for Albus for a first date, but I’m not going to tell you that. He thought bitterly to himself.

He hated being this person, this bitter and angry person, he was trying hard to listen to Danni’s advice, to let things be as they are and trust that everything will fall into place. It all sounded good in theory but the confusing fury that was whirling in Scorpius was making him feel so unlike himself. He hated it. On top of that, Rose kept stroking his leg every time they were seated, whispering that they could just leave, but Scorpius didn’t want to leave Albus’ game. He was going to be there for his friend no matter how much it pained him to even look at him.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Rose said gently, tugging on his hand.

He broke out of this thoughts, and squeezed Rose’s hand. “Sorry, it’s just that I have—“

She stopped him by placing her lips on his, pulling the collar of his shirt as close as possible. He kissed her back with as much force as he could muster. It was the least he could do.

“You don’t have to lie to me, Scorpius,” she whispered, her voice low and almost unrecognizable. There was a mysterious sparkle in her eye.

“I’m not lying to you, Rose,” he said, a slight crack in his tone. The tip of her fingers was stroking the back of his neck, sending inexplicable chills down his spine.

“Do you... want more?” Rose asked timidly. “Out of this relationship, that is?”

Scorpius eyes widened, he could feel his face burn red.

“What—what do you mean?” he stammered, his hands beginning to tremble and his chest tightening painfully.

She smiled coyly at him, now whispering into his ear and as she spoke his heart rose into this throat.

“I think you know—“

They were interrupted by a snap of a tree branch. Behind them, slightly hidden by the trees were two masculine silhouettes, the shorter one was pushed against a wide oak tree, and the other, the taller boy, had his hands on the shorter boy’s cheeks, and their lips were clearly attached to one another.

The shorter boy was Albus, and the other one was Carter. And Scorpius had never felt the amount of numbness that overflowed his body in that very moment. He couldn’t look away, but he most desperately wanted to, he thought his heart was being ripped into two pieces before but now he felt it breaking off bit by bit as each second went by.

He heard Rose squeal through her hand that was covering her mouth, her other hand still in his. But he couldn’t feel her, the world had suddenly become cold.

I have feelings for Albus Potter, I have feelings for Albus Severus Potter that are no way at all friendly and there is nothing that can be done by it.

A feeling of hunger grew from the pit of his stomach, but not for food, for something more, he needed to relieve himself of the turmoil that was boiling in his heart, needed to be relinquished of the thirst that was making his bones dry.

He looked down at Rose, the girl that had no idea what thoughts were torturing his mind at this very moment. He needed her, well, not her exactly, but he needed something, something now or he felt body would combust. He squeezed her hand to bring her focus back to him. Her eyes had the same look as they did in Hogsmeade a few weeks ago.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, forcing his eyes away from the profiles in front of him, tearing his eyes away from the scene and leaned over to whisper into Rose’s ear, gathering as much courage as he could.

“Let’s go and find our own place.”

She beamed up at him and they walked back into the clearing. Scorpius felt that same sensation of his heart feeling lifted but weighted down at the same time, like a rock on a bird’s wing, holding it down as much as it wanted to fly.

He clenched his jaw and tried to erase what he had just seen from his mind, but it was embedded like stone and he needed Rose to help him escape it, it was awful he knew, just awful, but it was the only way. The only way he could let things just be as they are was to retreat back to the way things were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I told you guys Scorbus fluff would be coming next chapter would you be excited?  
> Because I am :) I think we need a little break from the angst am I right?  
> Not that I don't love torturing these boys, because I do...I really do...  
> *smiles innocently*  
> Hope you enjoy!  
> Also, I am on tumblr! dreamininginaquamarine---come say hi!


	7. Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my.... I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am about how long this took to update!! I had so much personal stuff going on in my life I had to find to just write a sentence, it made me so sad because this story has been an escape from whats going on for me and unfortunately I had to take some time to take care of things
> 
> BUT I am back! And I am planning on getting this story back on schedule, I hope you all haven't given up on me. So lets get back to the story shall we? :) I did promise some fluff and here it is! Sort of, more like angst-y fluff but its fluff dang-it! Haha :)

Scorpius was walking briskly hand in hand with Rose as they skirted the edge of the Black Lake. His heart was racing as his eyes darted around the lake in search of a secluded spot. But it seemed that this unusually warm October day had turned the shores of the giant lake into a prime hangout spot for couples and friend groups alike. Normally, Scorpius would be glad to see other people around but today he didn't want anyone to see them. What exactly he didn't want to be seen he really wasn't sure of, all he knew was that his heart was nearly ready to explode. Something had erupted within his chest when he had seen Albus snogging Carter only a few moments ago, but he had no words to describe the exact way it felt. His feet were like lead and yet his body wanted to flee, his mind was cold but his heart burned like oil on fire, and his hands itched to just grab something and crush it. It was a feeling almost like anger, but it was more hopeless than that.  
  
It had him caught between wanting to punch and kiss someone. And since punching was slightly frowned upon kissing would have to do.  
  
“We could try the green houses?” Rose suggested behind him.  
  
Scorpius turned to her, slightly startled. She had been being so quiet that he had nearly forgotten she was there. He couldn't even feel the connection between their hands anymore. Everything seemed cold.  
  
But Rose appeared to be excited at the prospect of finding another place. There was a twinkle in her eye, the very same one that was with her on their Hogsmeade trip a few weeks ago. Scorpius suddenly felt very nervous and was unable to look directly at her.  
  
“Uh, yeah,”  he said, forcing himself to at least smile. “G-Good idea.”  
  
Rose smiled and gripped Scorpius' hand tightly, taking the lead and pulling her boyfriend along behind her.  
  
They made their way down the hill and a little north past Hagrid’s hut. Much to Scorpius' satisfaction, neither Professor Longbottom nor any other students were in either of the greenhouses. The greenhouse the couple entered smelled musky and the tables were ridden with soil, so Rose took out her wand and swiftly removed the dirt off the table. She turned back to Scorpius with a careful smile but determination in her eyes. She immediately took the lead this time and grabbed both of his hands to pull him closer to her. She scooted herself onto the table, placed his hands on her waist, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.  
  
With his hands slightly trembling, he leaned down and crashed her lips with his own. He needed a distraction—something to release the hunger that was swelling in his chest and to erase the images of green eyes and Quidditch robes out of his mind. Rose was his escape, his distraction from the true disorder that was threatening his every ounce of being.   
  
He shivered as he felt her tongue delicately trace his lips and finally slide through. She pulled him closer and he moved his hands from her waist to her hair and quickly tangled his fingers within it. He felt her hands move down from his shoulders to the back of his shirt to the front, and within an instant he could feel her untucking his shirt from his trousers and her hand dipping below his belt line.  
  
A jolt of energy from that area made the scene behind his eyelids go red and sent him reeling backward in a complete panic. He barely managed to catch Rose so she didn’t fall off the table. His heart throbbed painfully and he could feel the blood rushing up to his face. When he mustered the courage to look back to Rose, her expression was unreadable.  
  
“I-I’m sorry.” He gasped, tucking in his shirt. “I’m sorry I—“  
  
“It’s okay.” Rose said calmly, but he heard a slight crack in her voice that chipped at his heart.  
  
Her tone made him want to kick himself for being such an idiot. What the hell was he doing? Using Rose as a distraction, who the hell was he anymore?  
  
“No, no it's not, I’m really sorry,” Scorpius stammered, adjusting his shirt. Rose picked herself off the table and walked cautiously towards Scorpius, who was shaking.  
  
“I thought…I thought this is what you wanted…” She said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. “I thought this was the reason you’ve been acting so strange recently.”  
  
Scorpius’ chest constricted with guilt. “No… This... this isn't what I want…” He wasn’t quite sure what he meant by those words but they were the only thing he could manage to say.  
  
Clearly it was the wrong thing to say because Rose’s eyes filled with tears. “Then what do you want Scorpius? Do you even want to be with me anymore?” She said wiping the wetness out of her eyes.  
  
“Yes!” he yelled in a panic, “Yes, of course I do! I meant I didn’t want to do this.” He waved his hands between Rose and himself. “In here!” He gestured to their location.  
  
Rose lower lip trembled and she began to stare intently at some spiky bush that was next to her. “I’m so stupid…” she said with a strained voice.  
  
Scorpius walked back over to her and placed his still trembling hands on her shoulder. “No, no you aren’t. You're one of the smartest people I have ever met, and I just… if we were to do anything… It shouldn't be in here, you deserve better than that.”  
  
Rose's body became less rigid and her shoulders dropped slightly beneath Scorpius' hands. She turned to look at him, her eyes swollen. “Then what is wrong Scor? Why can’t you talk to me, when people are in relationships they talk…they tell each other things.”  
  
Scorpius' heart sank to the ground, he only wished he could let the words out but he had only just admitted to himself that he saw Albus as more than a friend. The words were on the tip of this tongue but his throat closed whenever he tried to say it. This was the first time he had made Rose cry and he never wanted to see those tears again. But if only she knew, if only she knew the secret that was trying to claw out of his chest and breathe its first true breath of fresh air.  He had to send that secret down to the depths again, bury it once more. Albus was with Carter and Scorpius was with Rose. It was how things were supposed to be.   
  
“I’m sorry.” Scorpius chose his words carefully, “I’ve been distant these past few weeks and it’s not fair to you, I…” He paused, knowing lying was certainly not in the handbook of being a good boyfriend but he had no choice, it was just one lie after all, only enough to help at least calm the storm raging inside of him. “I had a row with my dad, and its just been rough… he’s the only family I have and… I just don’t like not talking to him.” He bit his lip, hoping he sounded sincere and hoping she hadn't seen him send that letter to his father only two days ago.  
  
Rose sniffled, and placed her forehead on his chest, and he stroked her hair for a moment, the guilt still sitting weighing on him. “You could have told me that and saved me a lot of worry,” she replied through gritted teeth.  
  
Scorpius stifled a laugh and the weight became lighter. “I think the Weasley stubbornness is rubbing off on me.”  
  
“I’m not stubborn.” She grumbled into his shirt, “That’s a Potter thing.”  
  
Scorpius shook his head, “You’re right, you not nearly as stubborn as Albus.”  
  
She turned her head upwards, her chin now resting on him. “No one is as stubborn as Albus.”  
  
They both shared a laugh and entwined their hands once more, walking carefully out of the greenhouse towards the castle. Scorpius looked down one more time at Rose, the twinkle in her eyes had returned and so had his impending guilt.  
  
  


* * *

**  
**  
  
  
   
Albus was leaning up against the sofa in the Slytherin common room, lazily responding to a letter his parents had sent to him earlier this week. They had apologized for missing his first game of the year but his Dad was being forced to go to the annual Halloween Banquet held for the Auror Department at the Ministry. Albus knew how difficult Halloween was for his dad and now it was a sore subject for him as well. Especially after the chain events of almost two years ago. But from the start he had tried very hard and for the most part succeeded in pushing those memories far into the depths of his mind. He found it sad how he could suppress those memories so much easier than he could suppress his feelings for Scorpius. Who would've known liking your best friend would surpass a traumatic experience in the capacity to linger.  
  
He wondered if Scorpius' nightmares had finally stopped, the thrashing about in his sleep had finally become a thing of the past, as Albus no longer woke up to see Scorpius wild-eyed and breathing as though he had never breathed before. Though Albus wasn't exactly sleeping peacefully either, memories of Delphi flashed through his mind accompanied by the terrifying green flash and the light leaving Craig’s eyes.  It was an image that he could never forget.  
  
A shiver slid down his spine as he tried to focus on finishing the letter, but he began to remember one of the many nights last year when Scorpius had awoken up in a cold sweat. Albus had heard him muttering in his sleep and watched as Scorpius jolted up, eyes wide with panic.  
  
_Goyle and Marcus were still sleeping soundly, and for a moment it seemed almost as though nothing was wrong. Albus never had been able to figure out how the two of them could sleep through Scorpius' midnight episodes._  
  
_Albus quickly got out of his own bed and went over to Scorpius, who now had his arms wrapped around his knees shaking slightly._  
  
_“I’m… I’m sorry for waking you.” He heard Scorpius whisper, but his friend still refused to look him in the eye._  
  
_Albus shook his head and sat on the edge of Scorpius’ bed. His heart always sank seeing his best friend like this, they hadn’t spoken much in the past few weeks since he began his relationship with Rose, but no matter what he was his best friend and he needed him right now._  
  
_“Don’t be sorry, I’m glad you did.” Albus replied softly._  
  
_He heard Scorpius sniff and Albus scooted closer to him, to his surprise Scorpius scooted closer to his left to the point where there was enough space for Albus to sit next to him. Albus took it as a sign to sit there so he positioned himself next to Scorpius, allowing their legs to touch and Albus felt a swooping sensation in his stomach. He could still smell the ghosting impression of the fire that was settled in Scorpius' hair from studying next to it all evening in the common room. Albus' whole body felt very warm all of a sudden. He watched as Scorpius lifted his head from his eyes and turned his head towards Albus, his browed furrowed._  
  
_“Why are you glad?” he asked._  
  
_Albus timidly put his arm around Scorpius, who did not move away nor did he move closer, he just sat very still._  
  
_“So I can be there for you when it gets bad, 'cause that’s what best friends do right?”_  
  
_He heard Scorpius give a weak laugh, and Albus could feel his heart become lighter at the sound of it._  
  
_“You don’t seem to have as many nightmares as I do.”_  
  
_Albus shook his head, ignoring the flutter in his stomach from finding out that Scorpius had noticed his lack of nightmares as well. “I think we just deal with things differently. We will get through this. I promise.”_  
  
_Scorpius gave Albus a genuine smile which sent Albus' stomach into a somersault frenzy. “I’m so happy to have you in my life, you and Rose.” His voice became heavy as did his eyes as he leaned back onto the headboard. He shifted his shoulders that were now pining Albu's arm against the headboard and Albus hastily removed it from behind Scorpius.  Albus began to lift himself off the bed but Scorpius grabbed his hand, stopping him from moving. He turned back towards Scorpius, whose eyes were half-open and pleading._  
  
_“Will you stay Albus? I know your bed is right there, but... I just really need you here with me, at least until I can fall back asleep?”_  
  
_Albus looked down at Scorpius, and in that moment, that very moment he knew or perhaps a part of him had always known that he saw the guy lying down in front of him, his best friend in the entire world, as so much more than a friend. He had feelings for Scorpius Malfoy, and he was dating Albus' cousin, Rose, and there was no way those feelings could ever be reciprocated._  
  
_However, he had agreed to stay there because that’s what they did for each other and what they would always do for each other._  
  
_Always._  
  
Albus ran his hand through his hair and looked back at the half-written letter on the desk with sigh. That memory was painful but he kept it close to him, because that night as he watched Scorpius fall asleep was the moment he had stopped deceiving himself and decided to come to terms with who he was as a person, even if it was killing him on the inside that the person he liked didn’t return his feelings.    
  
But things were different right now and it was all happening much quicker than he could ever imagine. Carter was, well, he was Carter. He was kind, tall, handsome, and generally everything Albus thought he should like. And he did! Not to mention he was a fairly good kisser, not that Albus really had anything to compare it to. He was worried it was going too fast, they could barely hold hands and the only time they had any other physical contact was when they sat next to each other and their knees would touch. Now, as of yesterday, they were snogging, and it was all so new to him. He felt as if he should be a lot happier than he was but whenever he was with Carter it felt as if a string was wrapped around his heart and had a weight tied to the other end, constantly threatening to drag him down. And Albus knew exactly why the weight was there.  
  
Would he ever get over Scorpius? Probably not, but he wasn’t going to let him ruin his chances with someone else.  
  
He placed his hand on his stomach as it let out a hungry growl. He decided he could finish the letter later, and his current train of thought wasn't getting him anything except more miser, so he grabbed his bag and walked out of the Slytherin common room to go to dinner.  He barely reached the doors when he heard his sister call out his name.  
  
“Hey Al!”  
  
She skipped towards him her orange red hair swishing behind her, and she took him surprise by wrapping her arms around his waist and giving him a tight squeeze, despite her petite size she still managed to squeeze the air out of his lungs.  
  
“You sure are happy to see me.” He said, patting her head, to which she let out an annoyed growl, he smiled knowing he had succeeded in annoying her.  
  
“Well, I know how busy you’ve been, too bad you don’t even have time to talk to your little sister anymore!" She exclaimed shaking her head, “I have to find out everything from Rose!”  
  
Albus felt his ears turn hot, he looked down at his feet, “What all did she tell you?”  
  
This time Lily rolled her eyes and laughed, amused by her brother’s bashfulness.  
  
“Oh, you know Rose she can’t keep her mouth shut, about anything.” She lowered her voice into a whisper, “Her and Scorpius saw you and Carter being extra friendly yesterday, so much for keeping things discreet, I guess my dear brother is finally over his little crush on his best friend now?”  
  
Albus heart stopped. Rose and Scorpius saw him snogging Cater? Suddenly, he felt incredibly uneasy and panicked at the thought of other people seeing them.  
  
As if Lily could read his mind, she quickly reassured him. “Don’t worry they're the only ones that saw you two, and as big a mouth as Rose has, she won’t say anything. Family doesn’t hurt family.”  
  
Albus nibbled on his lower lip, still feeling uneasy about the two of them seeing him and Carter, though he knew Lily was right about Rose, but it made him wonder if him and Carter were moving too fast and if it was what he really wanted…  
  
And then there was the fact that he wasn’t actually over his little “crush” like his sister thought he was.  
  
Lily seemed to be ignoring the signs of Albus’ inner turmoil because she continued talking, “I’m sure Scorpius will tell you, so pretend you didn’t hear it from me, but Rose actually thought her and Scorpius were going to sleep together yesterday, and Scorpius took her to the greenhouses. The greenhouses!” She sneered, crinkling her nose in disgust. “And she was going to let him! Thankfully he stopped—“  
  
Albus heard Lily going on but his head was buzzing, he didn’t want to know that Scorpius had intentions of sleeping with his cousin, he didn’t want to know about Scorpius and his cousin or with any women in general.  
  
“Are you even listening to me Al?”  
  
Albus broke out of his thoughts, “Yeah, yeah I am sorry I am just surprised…”  
  
Lilly laughed, “Me too, who would have thought two prudes like those two.”  
  
“You think Scorpius is a prude?”  
  
“I..” Lily began to say and then realization spread across her face. “Oh Albus… I thought… I thought since you were with Carter now…”  
  
“I am.” Albus sighed, feeling guilty once again for not thinking of Carter when he should be. “I’m trying Lil, I really am. I like Carter, a lot.”  
  
Lily gave him a warm smile but he saw a slight look of pity in her eyes and it made his heart clench. “You can’t divide your heart Al, that’s not fair to you or Carter.”  
  
“I know Sis, like I said, I'm trying.”  
  
“Good,” Lily replied, wrapping an arm around Albus’ shoulders. “Now, let's go get some dinner.”  
  
They entered the Great Hall and walked towards the Gryffindor table where Carter was already sitting, he saw Albus and Lily and waved both of them over.  
  
“Hey you two.” Carter greeted them as he scooted over to allow Albus to sit next to him, and as Albus sat down Carter turned to him and their faces were very close and Albus had a gut feeling that Carter wanted him to kiss him but he just smiled politely and nudged him awkwardly with his shoulder. He noticed Lily give him a strange look but he ignored it and helped himself to some roast.  
  
They talked idly among themselves throughout dinner, and occasionally, Albus could feel Carter try grab his hand from underneath the table and Albus would gently push it away despite the irritation growing inside of him. Lily and Carter tried to make small talk but Albus couldn’t listen, he kept darting his eyes around the room, seeing if anyone noticed him and Carter sitting so close together. He knew Rose was doing her best to keep the rumors at bay but when would it finally come out that he and Carter were together? They had been so careless yesterday snogging in front of the forest yesterday… anyone could have seen them, and in reality it was lucky that just Rose and Scorpius had seen.  
  
But Albus certainly didn't feel lucky. His chest felt full with pressure and his throat was tight, he didn’t want people to find out about them, not yet. Everything was happening way too fast.  
  
“Al?” He heard Lily’s voice ask, “Are you okay?”  
  
He looked up to answer her but he felt Carter’s hand slide onto his knee again, this time Albus jerked his knee away and glared at him.  
  
“Will you stop that?” Albus snapped.  
  
Carter frowned, “I just wanted to—“  
  
“Well I don’t want you to okay?”  
  
He regretted those words as soon as they came out of his mouth. The look on Carter's face tugged at his heart and he reached for his hand but Carter jerked it away just like Albus had.  
  
“No, no it's fine. I’ll just leave.” Carter announced and left the table, Albus sat there frozen and turned his head to Lily in hope of some type of guidance. She looked just as annoyed as Carter.  
  
“You better go talk to him, Albus,” she said, nodding towards Carter.  
  
The entire hall was looking at Albus, to Carter, and back again. Albus felt his face get hot.  
  
“But I—“ he tried to whisper but Lily was not having it.  
  
“Go!” She said it even louder this time, openly pointing in the direction Carter had left.  
  
Albus got up, still feeling the many pairs of curious eyes on him, he heard Lily say something, maybe to the onlookers or maybe it was to him he wasn’t entirely sure. He left the Great Hall to find Carter standing across the corridor, his arms crossed and his head bowed.  
  
“Carter, look I’m sorry it just—“  
  
“What are you so afraid of, Albus?”  
  
“I’m not afraid Carter, I’m just not ready yet, for all this public display of affection, I’m not ready for people to know about us.”  
  
Carter shook his head angrily. “You didn’t seem to care yesterday.”  
  
“Because it happened so fast! I didn’t know what I was doing! Look I like you Carter.  
“Uh huh,” scathed Carter, Albus knew he wasn’t convinced.  
  
“I do, I am just not ready to go public yet okay? I still haven’t told my parents and its difficult being Harry Potter’s son, I can’t just let other people find out first.”  
  
Carter looked down on his feet, his arms still crossed protectively over his chest. Albus knew that he could comfort him or do something to reassure Carter but all his insecurity overcame him so he mustered up the best words of comfort he could manage.  
  
He gulped. “We, we were just going so fast you know, it’s only been a few weeks. Maybe we could, I don’t know slow down?”  
  
Carter just shrugged and Albus sighed in defeat.  
  
“I’m just not ready to be your boyfriend Carter, not in the way you want.”  
  
“Fine.” Carter stated, looking Albus right in the in eye, even when he was angry his eyes were still a soft blue. “When you want to be in a relationship, you know where to find me.”  
  
Albus felt like someone had pummeled him in the gut. “Carter, that’s not what I meant.”  
  
But Carter didn’t hear him, or he had just ignored the words. He simply turned sharply on his heel and walked away from Albus like he couldn’t get away fast enough.   
  
Albus slumped his shoulders and walked towards the dungeons, where he hoped he could find a rock to crawl under and stay for the rest of eternity.  
  


* * *

  
  
Scorpius walked tiredly down the hall to the 6th year boy’s dormitory, this past weekend had taken a severe toll on his emotions since the awkward wanna-be rendezvous in the Greenhouse and Rose never leaving him alone the rest of the time after that. At this point, he wanted nothing more than some alone time with the new novel his Father had sent him.  
  
He opened the door, relived to see his neatly made, welcoming bed. He suddenly noticed that Albus was lying on his own bed, with his pillow over his face, still in his clothes. Usually when he was in one of these moods the curtains of his bed were drawn so Scorpius wasn’t sure if he should talk to him or just let him be. However, seeing him there he never wanted to talk to someone more, as much as he wanted to be alone with his thoughts he wanted to be with Albus more.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
Albus jolted up startled, his hair in disarray. Scorpius couldn’t help but chuckle at his friend’s appearance.  
  
“Oh, hey.” Albus finally said looking up at Scorpius, rubbing his eyes. “I must have dozed off.”  
  
“I’m sorry.” Scorpius apologized, running his hand through his hair. "I didn’t mean to wake you.”  
  
“It’s okay,” mumbled Albus, his face becoming solemn.  
  
“Do you want me to leave you to your brooding?” Scorpius asked, picking up the book his Father sent him and flipping quickly through the pages. He had mentally told himself that he couldn’t stare at Albus for too long anymore, or he would never stop looking. He looked back at Albus after he didn’t say anything for a moment, and the scene he saw sent his stomach lurching forward. Albus looked on the verge of tears, his eyes forlornly set on some distant point and his arms wrapped tightly around his knees.  
  
Scorpius cast the book aside and moved to his friend's side. “Albus, what’s wrong?”  
  
He watched Albus nibble on his lower lip. “It's stupid,” he finally said.  
  
“If it's upsetting you, it’s not stupid. Is it Carter?” Scorpius asked trying to hide the resentment in his tone.  
  
Albus nodded slowly. “We don’t have to talk about it, I know you don’t like him.”  
  
“I never said I didn’t like him,” Scorpius retorted, not hiding the defensiveness in this voice. “I told you I would always be here for you Albus, and here I am."  
  
He took a seat on the edge of Albus’ bed and immediately he could smell something strong, something like cologne. Since when did Albus ever wear cologne? This wasn’t the Albus he knew, he longed for that smell of coffee beans and grass.  
  
Albus shrugged and pulled his knees tighter into his chest. Scorpius reached out and touched his arm, he felt strangely good about Albus not brushing his hand away.  
  
“I mean it Albus, and I'm sorry about being so distant lately," he murmured.  
  
Albus nodded, looking at Scorpius and then at the hand on his arm. For a moment Scorpius thought of removing it, remembering how physical contact between them wasn't a good thing anymore, but before he could move, Albus placed his own hand on top of it. Scorpius felt a jolt of energy swim through his veins of his arm from the moment they touched voluntarily for the first time in what felt like an eternity.  
  
“I feel like...” Albus began, his fingers moving to trace Scorpius' knuckles. Scorpius had to rip his eyes away from their hands and back onto Albus' face. “I feel like everything is changing, and it’s all happening so fast, I just want to slow things down… go back to simpler times.”  
  
“Simpler times when everybody hated us?” Scorpius asked, his voice thick.  
  
Albus chuckled, and the noise rang through Scorpius ears blissfully.  
  
“It was us against the world, we had each other and that was all we needed.”  
Scorpius sighed. “I still need you, Al.”  
  
Albus looked up at him once more, his green eyes boring into Scorpius grey-blue.  
“I need you too, Scorpius, please stop shutting me out, whatever it is, you can tell me.”  
  
Scorpius tried to push down the lump that was forming in his throat, he didn’t know how to put all these confusing thoughts into words and Albus staring at him made his heart want to explode.  
  
“I need time.” Scorpius said slowly, carefully picking his words, “I need time to understand whatever the hell is going on, but I promise.” He grabbed hold of Albus' hand in reassurance. “I promise Albus, I'm not going to be distant anymore, I'm going to be here for you because you would be here for me, because that’s what friends do right?”  
  
Albus didn’t say a word, instead, he pulled Scorpius into a bone crushing hug, and Scorpius wrapped his own arms around his friend, taking in his scent. Underneath the cologne he could still smell the earthy scent of Albus’ typical black coffee order with the slightest hints of sugar. He was trying his best to keep his mouth from watering.  
  
The hug lasted longer than any embrace they ever shared, Scorpius had lost count of the seconds this time. He surprised himself, admitting to his subconscious that he did count the seconds every time he and Albus hugged.  
  
They broke apart, both boys not knowing the other would been okay with it lasting forever.  
  
Albus gave him a warm smile, Scorpius noticed his cheeks were slightly pink and he wondered if his own where that same shade. “Thanks, Scorpius. I needed to hear that.”  
  
“I needed that, too, I mean, uh, I needed to have that talk with you, that's what I meant.” He began to get up, but Albus grabbed his arm and pulled him back down.  
  
“Stay here, talk to me, about anything, I don't care what. I just want to talk.”  
  
Scorpius entire body felt warm, and he seemed quite giddy. “Game of exploding snap? While eating the peppermint imps my father sent me?”  
  
Albus smiled up at him, and little did Scorpius know, it was a smile he could only ever give Scorpius.  
  
“That sounds perfect.”  
  
They played until late in the evening, even Marcus and Christopher joined them and went to bed before them. Both ignored the fact that they had class tomorrow. It felt like the old days.  
  
Scorpius was the first to claim defeat and went to bed first. Albus went to the bathroom to wash his face with the acne potion Lily had recommended. As he left the water run down his face something hit him. An inking rose from the pit of his stomach into his chest, wrapping its self around his heart. His brain felt fuzzy.  
  
The way Scorpius stared at him while he was with Carter, the way he could feel Scorpius' eyes on him at times, and when he would look over Scorpius would look away. The way they interacted tonight, the way they laughed talked.  It felt like old times, but something was different. Scorpius was holding back, he said he needed time? But for what?  
  
Their hug… Something was different about that hug too. Scorpius had held him close and so did Albus. He didn’t want to let go.  
  
No there is no way it’s all in your head, remember about false hope?  
  
He couldn’t deny it though; the way Scorpius was distancing himself. It was exactly what he was doing to Rose and Scorpius when they had begun dating last year.  
  
He distanced himself because he couldn’t stand seeing them together.  
  
Because he wanted to be where Rose was.  
  
Did… did that mean Scorpius wanted to be… to be where Carter was?  
  
Albus couldn’t breathe, his lungs had stopped working but his heart was beating, no it was throbbing. He couldn’t think, his brain was filled with Scorpius eyes, those bright grey-blue eyes. The only eyes he ever really saw. Yet, he could be so wrong, it could all be in his head and he didn’t know how to approach Scorpius about it, what if he made a fool of himself? If he was wrong, Rose would be furious—no if he was right, Rose would… hate him. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.  
  
He had to find out, even if it would change everything.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh...Whats Albus going to do now I wonder...? :)
> 
> Again, I hope you guys haven't given up on me, your kind words (or constructive criticism) really make my day! Luckily Chp. 8 is in the Beta's hand now so we are back to the once a week schedule unless something comes up on her side! 
> 
> Have a good day and I hope everyone is having a great Holiday season!


	8. Ice, Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!! I hope you all had a fantastic Holiday and a great New Years!  
> Thank you for all your kind words from the last chapter, your comments and kudos always bring a smile to my face.  
> Anywho.. Lets get on this with this story :)

Albus woke up groggily to the sound of his roommates talking quite loudly from across the room. He groaned as he looked over at the clock on his nightstand, he still had fifteen minutes before his alarm went off, twenty if Scorpius turned it off for him and woke him up himself.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” Marcus mocked from the other side of the room. Apparently he had been alerted to Albus' consciousness.

“Piss off,” Albus grumbled into his pillow, but since there was no use in trying to go back to sleep he dragged himself out of bed, all the while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He peered over at Scorpius’ bed which was of course empty and from the sound of the water shutting off, Albus surmised that the blond was getting out of the shower. Albus had never understood how anyone could enjoy the morning but Scorpius always seemed like his best self during these early hours and, yes, Albus considered 8:15 AM to be early.

As he rode out of bed a sinking feeling settled in his chest. The memories of last night came back to him in terrifying flashes. His and Carter’s argument and how people had stared at him as he left the Great Hall. Albus buried his face in his hands. What was he doing? Why did he have to go and make a scene like that? He prayed that everyone would just let it go, but he knew, people would be talking, he was Harry Potter’s son and he was clearly spending a lot of time recently with a guy, an already popular guy, who had just came out, and they were clearly arguing. Everyone had seen.

He rubbed a hand through the length of his thick black hair and glanced over at Marcus and Christopher, both of whom were quickly finishing up an assignment they'd had all weekend to accomplish. Typical.

He recalled Danni saying that all three of them knew about him and his crush on Scorpius and he was relieved to know that Marcus and Christopher didn’t seem to mind his liking guys, would others feel the same way?

But even if others did find out, he didn’t want his parents to find out through word of mouth. He knew he needed to be the one to tell them and that would have to wait until Christmas. Rose was also doing her best to keep the rumors at bay, but how long did they have until people stopped believing her? Last night quite a few people had seen Carter and him, so how was she going to fight those new rumors off?

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door opening, and out waltzed Scorpius in nothing but boxers. Albus' breath got caught in his throat, of course he had seen Scorpius without a shirt on before but the sight of Scorpius' slender, pale body always left him breathless. As he was about to rip his eyes away from him he noticed Scorpius looking at him too, his usual goofy smile on his face, which had never matched the profound features of his face.

“Is something wrong, Al?”

Albus broke out of his gaze, blushing. “Oh, nothing sorry just waking up I guess.”

“I’m surprised you're even up this early,” noted Scorpius as he checked his watch. “You had at least ten more minutes.”

Albus sighed, dropping his shoulders. “I guess it’s better than hiding in the dorm all day…”

Scorpius slipped his shirt on and placed a hand on Albus’ shoulder. “I’m sure it will be okay, besides you said you wanted things to back to the way things were, and now people will be talking about you just like they did before!”

Albus glared at Scorpius.

The blonde chuckled awkwardly. “I’m not helping, am I?”

“No, no you aren’t.” Albus said, grabbing his clothes to change into and letting out a frustrated sigh. “Maybe I should just skip class today, or the rest of the year.”

“No, you're not. You're going down there and everything will be fine, the ones that care about you have your back.”

“How do you know I can do this?”

Scorpius shrugged, “Because you are the bravest person I know, you’re braver than me anyways.”

“Doubt it.”

“No Albus, you really are…that’s why I…well that’s why we're best friends, you’re brave and I’m…I’m just….”

“Brilliant.” Albus stated, “You’re brilliant.”

His stomach was in knots and he knew he was blushing. However, by the pink hue of Scorpius’ own cheeks it gave him a strange wave of confidence. He felt more sure of himself suddenly. He wasn’t sure what happened last night but the air between him and Scorpius felt different, as if there was something unspoken that was begging to be heard. But Albus couldn’t explain it and certainly didn’t know how to approach Scorpius about it or even where to begin. What he did know for sure was that he felt more brave with Scorpius by his side and he knew how he needed to address Carter.

“Well, then.” Scorpius said after a stretch of silence, “Want to be brave and brilliant together?”

Albus grinned despite the knotted tension in his chest. “Let me get dressed first.”

“You don’t- I mean yeah, yeah you do that I’ll wait here.” Scorpius stuttered, avoiding Albus’ raised eyebrows.

Albus left to go to the bathroom but he hesitated upon hearing Marcus and Christopher snickering in the corner. He had completely forgotten they were there.

“Is there a problem?” Albus asked, turning to them with a glare.

Marcus shook his head, stifling another laugh. “Nothing, you two love birds are just amusing.”

Albus felt his face turn red and noticed from the corner of his eye how Scorpius turned his face away, suddenly becoming more interested in the curtain against the window.

“Wait for me?” Albus asked back to Scorpius as he opened the door of the bathroom.

Scorpius turned back around to Albus, shooting a look back toward Marcus and Goyle, which Albus thought was supposed to be threatening but all he could do was that weird squinting thing he did when he tried to do so. Albus couldn’t help but to grin.

Scorpius smiled back. “Sure thing.”

After Albus finished, he and Scorpius went down to have breakfast together in the Great Hall and much to Albus surprise despite some stares and whispers as he walked by not much was said from anyone.

“See, I told you no one noticed your and Carter’s row," Scorpius whispered as they sat down at the Slytherin table.

Albus looked around the room with uncertainty. He saw the two 7th year Gryffindor boys, Jonathan Patil and Sebastian Jordan look in his direction and snigger at him, and his chest tightens as memories of being taunted in his First and Second year come flooding back.

Scorpius seemed to sense it for he took hold of Albus' robes sleeve and forcibly dragged him down to the table. “Ignore them, you know they're just big douche bags.” Scorpius patting Albus' back reassuringly.

But Albus did not feel any better. He didn’t see Carter at the table and not seeing him somehow made him feel worse about things already, he knew he had to speak to Carter and be honest with him but he was dreading on how he would react to everything.

He felt a tap on his shoulder, he turned around to see Rose behind him, her arms crossed in a way reminiscent of Aunt Hermione. It made Albus shiver.

“What’s wrong with you?” she hissed.

“Well I just woke up, haven’t had my coffee yet and now you’re here, so there’s that.”  
He heard his fellow Slytherins snickering from behind him which only seemed to infuriate Rose more.

“You need to talk to him, go apologize,” she said through gritted teeth, she glanced over at Scorpius. “Am I right Scorpius?”

Scorpius' eyes widened and his gaze flitted between his two friends, not sure which side to take, “Well, I don’t think he has anything to apologize for,” he said, ducking his head, anticipating Rose’s quick temper.

“Oh really? You would take his side.”

“What’s that’s supposed to mean?” Scorpius asked, dropping his spoon abruptly, causing his own coffee to splatter across his outfit. He hastily brushed the mess off his tie but it still left a stain. “I just don’t think Albus did anything wrong.”

Rose’s eyes narrowed. “Forget it then,” she said before storming off back to her friends.

Albus sighed and buried his face in his hands, wishing he could crawl back into bed.

“What was she on about?” Marcus asked from across the table.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Albus heard Scorpius say. He could still feel his friend's hand on his back and it gave Albus some comfort. Albus reemerged from his hands and gave Scorpius the best grin he could muster.

“You chose me over Rose?” he asked, suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude.

He couldn’t ignore the rising color in Scorpius cheeks and the fluttering sensation in his chest continued as he watched Scorpius pick at his waffle for a moment before looking at him, smiling back.

“Well, she’s my girlfriend, but you’re my best friend, sometimes you have to come first.”

They finished up breakfast and before Albus got up to go to class Scorpius gave his hand a quick squeeze from under the table, Albus wasn’t sure exactly how to read it but he decided that it was meant to be encouraging.

“Sit with me in potions?” Albus asked, swinging his bag over his shoulder. “I know Rose may be mad at you…”

Scorpius waved him off. “She’s always mad, she’ll be okay.”

Albus sighed. “Carter and I have a free period after this class… I suppose I need to talk to him then.”

Scorpius nodded slowly as he grabbed his potion books. “I think it’ll be okay…he’s…he’s a good guy.”

Albus wanted to question Scorpius’ hesitation, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready for the answer, or more like he wasn’t ready to be wrong.

They entered the corridor that lead to their Potion’s class, and right away Albus spotted Carter towering over all the other students, and he looked over at Scorpius who gave him a look as if to say, “if you must,” which only confused Albus even more.

He jogged up to Carter and tapped his shoulder, taking a deep breath. Carter turned around and as soon as he realized it was Albus his eyes narrowed.

“Hey,” he said, cooly.

“Hey,” replied Albus, rubbing his neck as it became warm with the nerves. “Can we talk? After class? I know we both have a free period and I…just want to talk.”

Carter considered for a moment as he chewed on his lip for a bit before replying. “Sure, we can.”

Albus grinned up at him relived. “Great,” he exclaimed.

He saw Scorpius sneak behind them through the door to the classroom and take a seat at an empty table. He desperately wanted to go sit next to him.

With a sigh, he patter Carter's shoulder. “I’ll see you after class then.” Carter smiled softly back at him.

Albus immediately went to sit down next to Scorpius, who gave him an apprehensive thumbs up which Albus returned. He glanced at the table Rose was sitting at and, unsurprisingly, she was glaring at Albus but when they made eye contact she quickly looked away.

After class Scorpius gave him a halfhearted pat on the back as left to make an attempt at reconciling with Rose, who was still clearly annoyed with him for taking Albus’ side in the first place.

Carter was waiting patiently just outside of the door and Albus suddenly started to feel nervous, but knew deep down this was the right thing to do.

“Ready?” asked Albus.

Carter smiled, a hint of sadness still in his eyes which made Albus’ heart clench slightly.

They walked through the courtyard full of students making their way to their classes, some of whom began whispering as he and Carter walked by, which made Albus uncomfortable all over again. They came to a small sheltered area behind a hedge that was just shy of the edge of where the grounds started. They had come here once before on their few walks around Hogwarts together.

Carter leaned agasint the stone pillar in the middle of the area, setting his eyes on Albus. Albus stopped for a moment to look at Carter, admitting to himself that Carter really was attractive with his red and gold tie loosely around his neck and his hair slightly tousled from the wind. And for a second he even considered blowing everything off to snog him one last time, but he refrained.

“So, you said you wanted to talk?” Carter inquired.

Albus broke out of his train of thought. “Uh, um yeah.” He looked back up at Carter and forced himself to talk. “I just wanted to say I am sorry, I hope I didn’t upset you, I know I did though…and I just want to let you know…its not…"

“Oh Merlin.” Carter laughed, smacking his forehead. “Please don’t say ‘it’s not you it’s me’ please.”

Albus sighed. “Well, I really don’t know what else to say then…because it's the truth, you did nothing wrong.” He looked down at his shoes. “You were nothing but good to me...”

“While it lasted.” Carter finished for him.

Albus nodded in agreement, surprised this was going so well. “I am just trying to figure out what I want, and I haven’t even told my parents I’m gay yet and it’s important to me that I do that before I go public in a relationship, and you shouldn’t have to wait for me, you deserve better than that.”

Carter smiled a true genuine smile, the one Albus was very fond of, and he took hold of Albus' hand, which Albus allowed.

“I understand,” assured Carter. “It was hard for me at first too, I was where you are now last year, my only advice is don’t tell the entire House common room you like men after your fifth shot of Dragon Rum.”

Albus laughed uneasily, not wanting to imagine drinking to the point where he spilled all his secrets, although it may of help with being honest with Scorpius.

Albus squeezed Carter’s hand lightly. “I hope it’s not too much to ask to be friends?”

Carter shook his head and squeezed Albus' hand back. “Not at all, I'm always here if you need someone to talk to.”

Albus felt relieved and reached up to hug Carter, who embraced him back.

“In all honesty,” Carter whispered into Albus’ hair, “I wish things had worked better between us, but I do know what it’s like to have your heart belong to someone else.”

Albus stiffened in Carter’s arms then slowly backed away, a smile still on Carter’s face. He didn’t look angry at all.

Did he know?

Carter winked at him and placed his hand on his shoulder. “I mean it though, if you ever need someone to talk to.”

Albus nodded gratefully. “Thanks.”

Carter bent down and gave Albus one last swift kiss on the cheek and left Albus alone in the little clearing. He felt uneasy and satisfied all at the same time. The next hurdle would be dealing with a certain blond haired boy.

Meanwhile, Scorpius was in the Library, looking for a book that would help him with his Runes essay when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see Carter, wearing a smug grin. A surge of annoyance rushed through him, what could he possibly want?

“Hey, what’s up?” Scorpius asked in feigned nonchalance, flipping through a random book that was lying on the table.

“Oh, nothing,” Carter said, with his stupid half smile that Scorpius found to be goofier than it was charming. In his opinion, Albus’ was far better.

“I just wanted to say,” continued Carter in a low voice, “he’s all yours now.”

Scorpius stopped what he was doing as his body went cold. “Um, what?” He stammered, “Who's all mine?”

Carter rolled his eyes. “You know.” He didn’t say anything else, instead just he walked back into the shelves of books and disappeared off to some other corner, leaving a bewildered Scorpius who had forgotten how to breathe.  
 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, Mopey,” Danni said as she took the chair in front of Albus and seated herself in it while reaching down into her bag for her books. “What seems to be upsetting us today?”

Albus shot her a glare, “What makes you think I'm upset about anything?”

“Because you're always upset about something, sky’s too blue, coffee too cold, Scorpius' pants aren’t tight enough.” Danni winked at him.

“Shut up!” Albus yelled, which caused the positively ancient Madam Pince to hush at him. He was honestly surprised that she had any lung capacity in her frail body at all.

“Well, aren’t we testy,” grumbled Danni, folding her arms. “So what happened?”

Albus sighed and dog-eared the page he was on, taking a quick look around to see if anyone was listening in on their conversation. A group of young Hufflepuff girls quickly turned away when he caught their eyes so he leaned over to Danni and whispered as quietly as possible.

“I…I ended things with Carter, not that it was really a thing to begin with.”

“Why? You seemed so happy, hell you were smiling even!” Danni exclaimed, eyes wide.

Albus motioned for her to keep it down. “It…It was just a lot, at once, and he wanted to go public and I’m just not ready for all that and I thought he would help me get over Scorpius but…”

“He didn’t,” Danni finished, nodding in understanding.

“Yeah, I just don’t know what to do Danni…and on top of that…I think something is up with Scorpius, and I think I’ve figured it out but if I’m wrong I would just make a fool of myself...but if I’m right…”

“What are you talking about, Albus?” asked Danni, raising an eyebrow.

Albus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Scorpius has been acting weird lately.”

"Even more than usual?”

Albus nodded and pondered for a moment, collecting his thoughts. “Ever since Carter and I, well ever since we got together I guess you could say, he’s been acting weird, avoiding me, avoiding Rose, snapping at everyone, he even refused to help a first year with their homework. A first year! He never refuses to help someone; no matter how many times people have made fun of him…”

His heart swelled at the thought of Scorpius tutoring first year Slytherins and how Lindsay Peterson, a particularly condescending Sixth Year Ravenclaw who used to join in on the mocking of Scorpius once came running to him begging him to help her understand their Runes Assignment, and he jumped right up to help her. Albus had challenged the decision when Lindsay had left to go get her books, saying Scorpius should have just let her suffer for a little karma, but the blond just shook his head and said, “Well, everyone deserves redemption, don't you think Al?” And he went right back to helping her. Lindsay hadn't said a word against him from that day onward.

No matter how many rude comments and sneered remarks he received, Scorpius' heart had never wavered. From the moment with Lindsay forward, Albus had realized that Scorpius Malfoy was too good for this world.

“My point is,” Albus continued, pushing back the cuticle of his thumb back absentmindedly. This was the part that he was always so nervous to say out loud and he feared that saying such words would make him sound desperate, that once again he was reading too much into things. He swallowed the lump rising in his throat. “He’s… acting like I was or how I act when I see him and Rose together, like he can’t stand us being together, at first I thought he had a problem with me being gay but he swears that it isn’t the reason and that he isn’t ready to tell me why he has been so distant lately and I can’t help but wonder…”

“If he likes you, as more than a friend,” Danni finished once again.

“Yeah.” Albus let out a huff of air that he didn't know he had been holding, looking over at the table of Hufflepuff girls again, but they had moved on to discussing an article in Witch Weekly. “I could be mental though, and I probably am, he’s been crazy about Rose for years there’s no way-“

Danni let out a soft chuckle and shook her head. “People change Al, we grow up and because of that our feelings change.”

Albus swallowed, he remembered coming to terms with his feelings with Scorpius, and how he wasn’t shocked by the revelation, and it was more like his subconscious was waiting for him to come to terms with it. It simply felt natural to acknowledge it.

A part of him had always known he liked Scorpius as more than a friend, but then the inevitable truth settled inside of him, a heavy reminder that Scorpius liked Rose, seeing them together was like a splash of icy cold water on his face or as if someone was plunging knives directly into his heart.

But his time with Carter had been enjoyable, too. Carter was great, funny, kind but when it came down to it, he was nothing more than a distraction, because at the end of the day, Scorpius was always the last thing he thought of as he fell asleep.

“My feelings haven’t changed,” Albus muttered, looking up at Danni after staring down at the table for a while. “I never thought of this just as a crush, in fact, I never called it that. I, he just my-“

“He’s your person.” Danni said. She didn’t seem to be staring at Albus anymore but almost through him, as if she was realizing something herself.

“Will you stop finishing my sentences?” Albus said, smirking.

Danni broke out of her daze and smiled. “I can’t help that you’re predictable.”

Albus cleared his throat, “What do you think I should do?”

Danni rolled her eyes, “You should tell him obviously! Look, you tried to date Carter, and that clearly didn't work and you’re still pining over him and he’s- well if you think you know in your heart why he’s been acting the way he's been acting then tell him!”

“But he’s with Rose! And what if I'm wrong?” countered Albus, rubbing his eyes and sitting back into his chair. “What if he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore?”

“Are you kidding? Scorpius would never stop being your friend. He couldn't. And I’ll say it again, you're torturing yourself Albus. Are you going to wonder ’what if’ the rest of your life? Or are you going to finally let yourself free from all of this? You have to tell him Albus, it’s the only way to find out.”

Albus let out a quiet groan. “I really have to, don’t I?”

Danni shrugged. “Unless you like slowly killing yourself, than yes.”

“This is going to suck.”

“Can’t suck any more than it does now can it?”

Albus slammed his head onto his book, once again Danni was right, and sometimes he resented her intelligence even more than he did Rose’s. He felt Danni tap on his shoulder he turned his head and peered at her with one eye, raising an eyebrow at her. She was leaning on the table a wide grin spread on her face.

“Now tell me, since I didn't get a proper response earlier,” she whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Were Scorpius' trousers to your satisfaction today?”

Albus crumpled a piece of parchment and threw it playfully at Danni before muttering, "I hate you.”

* * *

 

 

Albus stayed after in Care of Magical Creatures to check up on an injured Bowtruckle that he had grown particularly fond of. He held the little guy close to him as a frigid gust of November wind blew through the area. The Bowtruckle's condition seemed to have improved since last week when it got into a fight with another Bowtruckle.

“Hey there,” he said softly, patting the Bowtruckle’s head with his index finger. “So have you stopped picking fights with all the other males?”

The Bowtruckle turned his head back towards the tree inside his small enclosure, where several females were waiting by the chicken wire door for him, giving the Albus the answer he needed.

He let out a heavy sigh. “At least one of us is getting lucky,” he muttered giving it one last look through before putting back into its enclosure.

“Remember to share now,” he said, locking the cage. “You can’t have all of them."

He could of sworn the Bowtruckle was smirking at him, but he couldn’t be sure. His thoughts were interrupted as heard someone coming up from behind him. He turned around to see Scorpius standing up against a tree, hands in his pocket. Albus felt his heart flutter as the breeze allowed him catch a whiff of his cologne.

“Sorry,” Scorpius announced. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Albus shook his head. “You didn’t, I just wasn’t expecting anyone to be here.”

Scorpius shrugged. “Danni told me you would be here.”

Albus raised his eyebrow, why was Scorpius looking for him?

“Well what’s up?” he asked, noticing Scorpius looked nervous as he watched a stray leaf fall from a tree from above them.

Scorpius looked down at his feet, clicking the tip of his shoes together.  
“She said...you wanted to talk to me?”

Albus’ heart stopped, he was going to kill Danni, and he had to do this now? He groaned internally, feeling the very familiar feeling of panic rise in his chest. He mustered up every ounce of courage that was within him and took a deep breath before saying, “Let’s take a walk.”

Scorpius smiled bashfully and it was enough to make Albus' heart flip twice, he was going to do this, he was actually going to do this. He jerked his head and began walking a little further into the woods.

“Um, Albus?” Scorpius asked tentatively from behind him. “You...want to walk in the forest?”

Albus chewed on his lower lip, he knew he would feel much more comfortable far away from anyone as possible, he tried to play it off as if he wasn’t about to have a nervous breakdown.

“Yeah, well, you know, it’s nice.”

“Walking in the woods, where there are potentially dangerous creatures...is nice?”

Albus just rolled his eyes, feeling too anxious to deal with Scorpius' fear of running into something life threatening but it was quickly getting dark, the trees around them were casting eerie shadows in the setting November sun. His feet suddenly felt rooted to the ground and his legs felt like jelly as he looked at Scorpius once more. He tried to say something but his body was frozen.

Breathe. Try to breathe.

“Albus?” Albus could hear Scorpius say his name and it rang through his ears, the crunching of leaves told him that Scorpius was moving closer to him. Albus forced his eyes to look up and he saw Scorpius standing in front of him a worried look on his face.

“Is everything okay Al?” Scorpius grabbed Albus’ hand. Albus looked down at the hand and for second took in how Scorpius' hand felt compared to his. It was soft, but not too soft. His fingers were long and wrapped around his gracefully…perfectly. Albus swallowed the lump in his throat and the first thing that he could think of clearly was what he said.

“You’re...You’re holding my hand Scor.”

Scorpius retracted his hand rather quickly, looking rather flustered.

“Uh sorry, I thought…I, uh sorry, I was just worried, you looked like you were about to faint and-“

“I liked it.” Albus said, inhaling a deep breath of the cold air, giving him a chill. He crossed his arms protectively over himself but quickly changed his mind and with another rush of courage he grabbed Scorpius' hand into his own this time and stared straight into his friend's eyes.

“I haven’t been completely honest with you Scorpius...and I think there's something you need to know.”

“I’m listening.” Scorpius said. Albus could hear a slight tremor in his voice which gave him an odd sense of comfort.

“I’m gay.”

Scorpius raised an eyebrow. “I know that already Al.”

“I know,” replied Albus, shaking his head and taking another deep breath. “But what you don’t know is how I found out...that I liked guys.”

Scorpius nodded, encouraging him to go on.

“Because I… I realized that I never liked girls, I never had any desire to go on a date with one, hold their hand… and then you started to date Rose and…”

“And?"

Albus took a moment to remember that he had to breathe, “It hit me….I didn’t like seeing you two together, because…” The words were almost too heavy to bear, he shut his eyes tightly not ready to see Scorpius' reaction to what would happen next.

“Because I like you Scorpius,” he said letting out a shaky breath. He realized his hands were trembling but another pair held him steady. Scorpius hadn’t let go yet.

He swallowed forcefully and continued. “I like you as more than a friend, I think a small part of me always has, Scorpius.” Albus forced himself to open his eyes to look back at Scorpius, whose face was unreadable. It made Albus' heart sink to the bottom of his stomach. He knew he should never have said anything.

“Scorpius?” His voice was very small, barely above a whisper even though no one was around.

Scorpius nodded slowly, holding his hand up. “I’m just trying to process all of this.”

“Right, er, sorry.”

There was a moment of silence between the two boys, both looking at everything but each other, the silence was almost too much to handle.  
“Scorpius, please say something.” He hated how desperate he sounded, but he felt like there was no other way, Scorpius finally made eye contact with him and he had to once again to remind himself he needed to breathe to keep his body functioning.  
“I, this is all so confusing.” He stuttered, shoving his hands into his pockets, breaking his gaze with Albus. “But since you are being honest, I need to be too.”  
Albus inhaled sharply, his heart began to pound so hard he was sure it would burst out of his ribcage at any moment.  
“I think, I have feelings for you too, Al I just…”  
Scorpius crossed his arms tightly, as if he was hugging himself, Albus wanted nothing more to go over there and wrap his own arms around him, but his feet were rooted to the ground, he had been waiting for the “but”, there was always a “but”  
“You’re with Rose.” He said, trying to keep his voice even. “And you like her too.”  
He watched Scorpius’ face, awaiting his answer anticipating the punch in the gut that was about to come.  
“I have to Al, I’m a Malfoy, the last one to carry the name, I can’t just go off liking guys…I don’t, it can’t…”

“But I’m a Potter!” Albus shouted, his heart pounding and he knew it was no longer from anticipation. “Do you think this is any easier for me? Don’t you think I want it to be this way? I am already different from my family enough as it is!”

“Your family will love you no matter what Albus, I'm the only thing my father has left, and on top that you’re my best friend, you’re my –“

“Person. Your person.” Albus finished, his voice tight. “Yeah, you've told me that before.”

Scorpius grabbed both of his hands and placed them into his, what Albus first felt to be warm was now frigid.

“You are, and that will never change, I don’t want that to ever change.”

Albus closed his own hands tightening the grip Scorpius already had on him, his throat burned but everything felt cold. He should have known this would happen, he had been so stupid. He blinked whatever wetness that was threatening to escape his eyes.

“I think things already have,” he said, surprised at the calmness of his own voice.

“Albus…”

“Can you just go?” commanded Albus. “I just want to be alone right now.”

He looked up at Scorpius one more time, green melting into Scorpius' grey-blue, and he saw the pleading look in Scorpius' eyes but he had to look away.

“Okay…I’ll just go then.” Scorpius said, releasing his hands from Albus and slowly backing away, thrusting his hands back into his pockets. He turned around a few steps away to see if Albus had reconsidered, but Albus refused to meet his eyes again, he knew he couldn’t look back. His stubbornness was met with the crunching of receding footsteps across the fallen leaves. Albus knew Scorpius had more to say, that he always had more to say but right now he didn’t want to hear it, he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it.

The footsteps finally disappeared and Albus closed his eyes, mentally kicking himself for what just happened. Even if they had been doomed to stand in unresolved silence for the rest of eternity, he wished Scorpius had just stayed. That way, at least his world wouldn't have been so empty.  
 

* * *

 

 

Scorpius wasn’t entirely sure how long he had been sitting in the library but the coffee he had grabbed from the kitchen was now turning icy in his hands despite the fire blazing next to him. He didn’t know if the coffee had truly gone cold or if it was just his heart. He stared at his Runes homework spread out in front of him, but for once in his academic career he had no desire to decipher the symbols out in front of him. They all began to look like irrelevant shapes, swirling together into random blobs of nothingness. None of it mattered anymore because he had hurt Albus Potter.

His best friend had feelings for him, it was him all along that Albus had wanted and Scorpius had shut him down out of his own fear. He was being logical of course, he was still with Rose so it wasn’t like he could act on it or anything, and then there was his Father…and the Malfoy reputation. But still, the look in Albus’ eyes, the look that he had no idea had so much power over him when he said he had fallen for him was almost enough to make him say damn it all, damn it all to hell.

It was probably where he was going to end up anyways.

He placed his cup on the side table next to him and slumped deeper into his chair, rubbing his eyes wearily. Part of him knew he screwed up, he had never meant to hurt Albus, but he did and there was no going back from that. On the other hand, another part of him was screaming to go find his friend, go find him grab him and kiss him into tomorrow, to tell him he was what he wanted too and that he was all he ever wanted. He wanted to do that earlier that day in the woods, after Albus said to go it set fire to Scorpius' heart and he wanted nothing more than to prove he wasn't going anywhere.

But instead of allowing himself to set all of the flames free he chose to freeze his own heart over, reminding himself that he had Rose...Rose, who had no idea what was going on for what maybe the first time in her life. She didn’t see that her boyfriend was having this internal battle- no, this war within himself and he was beginning to wonder if she even cared, she was so into them being more and more physical he was having trouble as to figuring out why he even liked her on an emotional level.

He shook his head in disgust. Danni was right, people were going to get hurt; he had hurt Rose already once, hurt Albus today and now his heart felt gutted because he caused pain two people he cared for dearly.

He took a long deep breath but the pressure in his chest wouldn’t lift. He wished he had more time to process what Albus had told him, but it had happened so fast and he couldn’t just leave Albus without an explanation, no, Albus deserved so much more than that. Albus deserved more than him. As he thought more about what Albus had told him the more he wanted to kick himself for not seeing it in the first place. Albus was the one that was supposed to be oblivious and yet here Scorpius was walking blind this whole time. He squinted hard trying to get the image of a broken Albus out of his brain but with no avail, it was etched there like stone and it reflected his own hunger, his own pain...and his own confusion.

He wanted to go back, he wanted to find Albus and explain to him more that he needed more time, more time to figure out what he was feeling, all these emotions were becoming too heavy to bear. He needed to reassure Albus that one day, it could be him. One day. The more he thought of it, the more his heart began to quicken, it took him everything he had in him to walk away from Albus earlier that day, to see him look so wounded, his brilliant green eyes had lost their light when Scorpius had told him he couldn’t be with him and now Scorpius wanted nothing more than to bring that light back.

He sprang to his feet, almost as if his body was anticipating this decision; he took one last look at the fire next to him, which was beginning to die down.

If I had to choose a companion to be at the return of eternal darkness with, I’d choose you, Albus.

You gave up your kingdom for him, you can do this.

He took a deep breath, counted to three and marched off to find Albus.  
 

* * *

 

   
That night, it was the Halloween Feast at Hogwarts, but as much as his stomach protested, Albus couldn’t move from the leather chair in the common room. The fire next to him danced warmly but he did not find its embrace comforting. He contemplated just going to bed and maybe sneaking some of Goyle’s Firewhiskey from under his bed and just drink away his problems. He’d seen his Uncle George do it multiple times when he was younger, was it too soon to start?

He heard the common room door open and he scurried to his feet, afraid of who may behind it, and as he was expecting, he saw a flash of blonde hair come through it. His heart lurched and his body stiffened.

Scorpius stopped in his own tracks when he spotted Albus in the middle of the common room. Albus saw the look of panic etched on his face, his eyes were wide and he noticed his hands were shaking.

He heard Scorpius mutter something but Albus didn’t catch it. He inhaled deeply, and attempted to swallow the lump in his throat.

“E-Excuse me?” he asked, angry at how shaky his voice sounded.

“I said coffee.” Scorpius responded, clearer this time, he didn’t take his eyes off of Albus at all and Albus was having a hard time looking at him.

Albus crossed his arms, confused. “What about it?”

He watched as Scorpius took two shallow breaths and he could have sworn his skin got even paler in the few seconds he had been there.

“My Amortentia…I smelled, Coffee…Peppermint…and the grass, after it rains.”

Albus nodded slowly, not sure where Scorpius was going with this. “I know, you had to tell the whole class, remember?” He didn’t mean to be so defensive but he knew keeping this imaginary wall between had to be done. It would stop any more pain from coming through to either of them.

“It’s you, Albus, it’s everything that is you, and at first I wanted it so badly not to be you.”

Albus swallowed, suddenly taken up in the rapidly dying fire. He had begun to sweat in the room's heat. Or maybe it was just the nerves.

Scorpius continued, his voice even shakier, “A-And a small part of me, wishes it wasn’t you but looking back it’s so obvious, so clear to me that’s it’s only ever been you.”

“But like you said, we can’t be together because it would make things too complicated.” Albus recited, uncrossing his arms, he could feel his internal walls aching to come down.

“It would, it absolutely would.” Scorpius said breathlessly, now moving towards Albus. “And I need to figure out what I need to do, and how I am going to do this but, please Albus, listen when I say….”

His voice was pleading, and his eyes looked magnificent in the glow of the fire.

“Listen when I say that there isn’t a fragment of doubt in my mind that I want it to be you...I want to be with you.”

Albus didn’t know how ended up standing in front of Scorpius, or if his heart could handle beating so fast but before he had any time to analyze anything he had one hand on the nape of Scorpius' neck and his other arm wrapped around Scorpius’ waist pulling their bodies closer until their lips met. It was soft at first, with their noses bumping ever so slightly but Albus had never felt anything more euphoric than the taste of Scorpius lips against his own. His skin and hair had smelled like he had been sitting near a burning fire for hours, he tasted like sweet, sweet chocolate and Albus couldn’t get enough. Scorpius' arms were wrapped tightly around Albus' shoulders as his tongue pushed through Albus' teeth. Albus allowed himself to fall back into the chair behind them and Scorpius followed, their lips still firmly attached.

Albus gasped to catch his breath, realizing with a jolt that Scorpius was now straddling him and looking down on him with small hopeful grin that drove Albus mad. Albus didn’t think it was safe that his heart was beating so fast. Without warning, he grabbed Scorpius tie with his sweaty palms and pulled him down towards him, taking it all in. Before he knew it his hand was under Scorpius' button down, his fingertips tracing where his skin and belt met. Albus could feel goosebumps rising on Scorpius' skin. The blond let out a soft moan, wanting more, and it took every fiber in Albus’ being to pull away, but Scorpius still kept his forehead attached to Albus’s. Both boys stared at each other for a moment, taking each other in. Scorpius reached up and traced his thumb along Albus’ jaw line, sending chills down Albus spine.

“Rose.” Albus panted, his voice thick as he came back to reality. “What about Rose?”

Scorpius face fell and he removed his hand from Albus’ jaw.

“I…I still need to figure that out,” he whispered, not meeting Albus’ eyes.

“If you want to do this,” Albus said, lifting Scorpius chin so their eyes could meet again. “You have to break up with her.”

“I will, I just need to figure out how to do so, I can’t tell her about this can I?”

Albus shook his head, his fingers playing with a lock of Scorpius’ fine hair, “She doesn’t need to know, but you have to do it soon.”

This time Scorpius kissed him, and Albus hoped the kiss was a sign of a promise as he leaned back further into the chair. They heard footsteps and voices from people who were coming back from the feast. Breaking apart and looking at each other, Scorpius quickly jumped off of Albus and Albus worked on smoothing his hair and shirt. He grabbed Scorpius' hand quickly.

“Let’s get out of here.”

They let go of each other’s hands and as the rest of Slytherin House entered the common room they excused themselves out of it. Albus caught the eye of Danni as they left the threshold, who looked as if she was about to say something but then quickly shut her mouth and winked at the both of them as they navigated through the crowd.

As they walked down the emptying corridor Albus knew what he and Scorpius were doing wasn’t exactly right, no, it was wrong but in that small moment in time Albus wanted nothing more than to be selfish. And as he glanced at Scorpius who was walking cheerfully but cautiously next to him, a new type of hunger rose in the pit of his stomach that had nothing to do with food.

He grabbed Scorpius’ hand and motioned towards another secluded corridor. Scorpius provided no resistance as they strolled down the hallway, and Albus had already decided very quickly he was done with walking, and talking didn’t sound much fun either.

And that left only one thing to do.

 


End file.
